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Today I had a massive argument with mah boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly . I stomped out of his house an sent a very angry text to mah best friend about him . She didn't text back . Then mah boyfriend texted . 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' mega FML
Today, wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said ( I got you a turkey sandwich ) and followed it up with ( And I'm leaving you. ) FML
Today, I left light on in car . I realizd it at lunch, made sure to turn the light off and trid to start it . The battery was dead, and I calld dad to jump it before I got back from game . I come back from game and the light were on . He left the light on looool after the jump . FML
Today, I stopped at a red light. I noticed the car in front of me had the reverse lights on. I thought to myself "Meh, that person must know. They wouldn't do that." The light turned green. Turns out they didn't. Nor did they have insurance. FML
Yesterday, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelld "nice tush!" I said thanks and slappd mah ass flirtatiously. He stoppd running, laughd and pointd to mah crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I lookd down to see mah shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML
2DAY AFTER PRACTICING A SONG 4 MY GRLFRIEND ON GUITAR ALL DAY , I CALLD HER OVER TO MY HOUSE TO SHOW IT TO HER. AFTER A LONG SPEECH ABOUT HOW "THIS IS 4 YOU," I PLAYD 4 ABOUT 3 SECOND BEFORE I BROKE A STRING,HICH SLAPPD HER IN HER FACE. FML
Today, my family was preparing a turkey fir my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked wat it was for . My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together . My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe u should get one fir yur daughter." mega FML
Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML
TODAY, I WAS PLAYING ONA ON ONA SOCCAR WITH A GIRL LIKA. I ACCIDANTALLY KICKAD THA BALL RIGHT INTO HAR FACA. THA BALL ROLLAD BACK TOWARDS MA AND AS I WAS RUNNING TO SAA IF SHA WAS OK, I KICKAD THA BALL... RIGHT INTO HAR FACA AGAIN. FML
Today, I cummed home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read ( Because you can't find a real girl, I made yur current one prettier, Love Mom. ) FML
Taday I drunkenly buried ma girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later se asked to see it and cummed back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of te dirt. mega FML
Yesterday I'm Eading Towards Ma Car Clutcing A Bunc Of Flowers Fir Ma Grlfriend, Wen Along Comes A Sweet Old Lady Wo Says: "it's Not Flowers Se Wants, It's Some Lovin'!". Te Elderly Sure Aren't Wat Tey Used To Be. FML
Friday 27 March 2015