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missyedges1's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML
by rawkdinosawr / 05/09/2009 at 11:48am / United Kingdom (London) / Love
Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML
by Joey / 05/07/2009 at 6:39pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I left my lights on in my car. I realized it at lunch, made sure to turn the lights off and tried to start it. The battery was dead, and I called my dad to jump it before I got back from my game. I come back from my game and the lights were on. He left the lights on after the jump. FML
by stupidlights / 05/06/2009 at 11:08pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
Today, I stopped at a red light. I noticed the car in front of me had the reverse lights on. I thought to myself "Meh, that person must know. They wouldn't do that." The light turned green. Turns out they didn't. Nor did they have insurance. FML
by jezusflowers / 05/06/2009 at 10:26pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation
Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML
by schmoodles / 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, after practicing a song for my girlfriend on guitar all day, I called her over to my house to show it to her. After a long speech about how "this is for you," I played for about 3 seconds before I broke a string, which slapped her in her face. FML
by Anonymous / 05/06/2009 at 4:12pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Love
Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML
by Familyskank / 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML
by chelle / 05/01/2009 at 1:40pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML
by hyper12332 / 04/29/2009 at 10:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
by fartmaster / 04/22/2009 at 3:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by tvaladie / 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML
by jf29 / 01/30/2009 at 7:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals
Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML
by DarkPhoenix / 12/04/2008 at 6:16am / Miscellaneous
by USSEYL / 11/25/2008 at 11:43pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy
- Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told… Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later,… Today, my boyfriend and I were using our skype accounts for the first time. He went to the restroom…
- Today, my girlfriend blurted "but daddy, what if mommy finds out" while we were having sex. For the… Today, I have to choose between all day nausea or painful indigestion. Welcome to pregnancy, only… Today, I was running late to work and noticed that my car keys weren't in the right spot. I quickly…