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missyedges1's favorite FMLs
by a / 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seeing. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML
by Kens / 05/19/2009 at 8:51pm / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation
by BassGuy / 05/18/2009 at 1:05pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2009 at 8:40am / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Intimacy
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2009 at 2:45am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML
by killer / 05/16/2009 at 8:21am / Latvia (Riga) / Animals
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML
by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:46pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML
by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boys eppe pen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML
by MC / 05/14/2009 at 10:11am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 8:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
by Nick / 05/13/2009 at 6:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Geek
Today, we were running late for school so my mum shouted at me to hurry up and get in the car. I put my school bags in the boot of the car and my mum drove off. It wasn't until she got to my school and told me to get out that she realised I wasn't there. FML
by albert / 05/13/2009 at 8:36am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous
by getyourownbike / 05/12/2009 at 7:11pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Loser / 05/12/2009 at 6:05pm / United States (New York) / Health
by insideout / 05/10/2009 at 4:25pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…