About mimi_animee : William Haynes is my spirit animal
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mimi_animee's favorite FMLs
Today, while lifeguarding over children at work, I started thinking about my girlfriend and got a hard on. Before I realized it, I saved a kid and then hopped out of the pool next to a 5 year old in front of my managers and a little over 50 patrons with a raging boner. My HR meeting is tomorrow. FML
by notacreep / 07/06/2015 at 1:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother's ego has never been bigger. FML
by RecentCollegeGrad / 06/17/2015 at 2:09pm / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 10:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I got hit on by an attractive young doctor. After talking for a while we realized that we recognized each other but couldn't figure out how. Then he remembered. He was the one who'd delivered my 10 1/2 lb baby 7 months ago. I stood out because my vag tore worse than anything he'd ever seen. FML
by mobigomo / 05/27/2015 at 2:48am / United States (Washington) / Health
by Iwtumn / 04/30/2015 at 2:15pm / Austria (Steiermark) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/22/2015 at 10:14am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by NotALuckyGuy / 04/07/2015 at 12:19pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/28/2015 at 9:16am / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Miscellaneous
by Chemist-why / 01/30/2015 at 10:11am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML
by nosexforthee / 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I babysat an 11 year old kid while his parents ate out. As soon as they left, the kid asked me if I wanted to be on the sex offender's list. Before I could even process that, he told me to stay out of his way and he wouldn't accuse me of anything. FML
by Anonymous / 01/21/2015 at 6:57am / United States (Michigan) / Kids
by Northshore75 / 01/15/2015 at 5:24pm / United States (California) / Kids
by PO'd big bro / 01/12/2015 at 8:11pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by O_o / 02/08/2014 at 7:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…
- Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on.… Today, my dad gave me a promise ring on my one year anniversary with my boyfriend and made me swear… Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed…