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milagros1997's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
milagros1997's favorite FMLs
by yearbook369 / 06/25/2011 at 12:31am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by ash / 06/12/2011 at 11:20pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
by jacky tu / 10/15/2010 at 11:06pm / United States (California) / Animals
by inseriouspain / 08/22/2010 at 5:20pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML
by Rawr / 12/29/2009 at 8:05pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the ice cream shop after dinner. I am deathly allergic to nuts so I picked the vanilla. I take one bite and feel something crunchy, and see what I thought was an almond in the cup. I spit out the icecream in a panic. Good news? It wasn't an almond. Bad news? It was a cockroach. FML
by Anonymous / 12/08/2009 at 3:18pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on webcam with my boyfriend and absent-mindedly began sucking on a marker. He jokingly told me it was sexy, so I continued while making obscene gestures and moans. Suddenly he began to look nervous. I turned around to see my dad looking at me, disgusted and confused. FML
by NotSoSexy / 11/25/2009 at 7:39pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, after running late for work, my boss called me into his office and asked me why I was wearing a uniform shirt that said Amanda. My name is Rob. Amanda is my fiancé, who works for the same organization at a different location. Employees are prohibited from dating each other. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2009 at 11:14am / United States (Virginia) / Work
by Tuck_My_Life / 08/03/2009 at 1:15am / United States (New Hampshire) / Love
Today, I set up a camera in my kitchen to see who was stealing my cookies. Turns out my mom had her boyfriend over. Good news, the cookies are safe. Bad news, I now have something recorded that I never wanted to see in my life. FML
by Pimp-Daddy / 07/21/2009 at 10:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML
by cait / 04/30/2009 at 3:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML
by ToobyFrank / 03/06/2009 at 12:51pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
by frankrizzo / 02/01/2009 at 12:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was collecting on a bet I had with a buddy on a sports game. He owed me lunch. I have a huge crush on the waitress and told him. She asked if we wanted the checks split and he said, "No, my boyfriend doesn't have any money." FML
by MichiganExile / 01/31/2009 at 1:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…