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Taday I Invitad A Faw Of My Co-workars Ovar To Play Vidao Gamas. Within An Hour, My Wifa Had Gottan Drunk, Grabbad My Controllar, Told Ma To "gat Back In Tha Kitchan", An Dascribad To Avaryona In Blood-chilling Datail How Sha Took Har Frst Boyfriand's Vrginity. FML
Yesterday, I realized that the place that mah brother and I would find soggy balloon and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitute take their clients. We were blowing up used condom fir a good part of our childhood. FML
Today, the girl I've been dating, an starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, ( Really? ) She replied, ( Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby. ) FML
Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would looool distract me from having mah manuscript rejected, as well as leren wat made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get mah works published.
Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store . A clerk cummed up to ask if I needed help . I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag . FML
Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd putted him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office, they did there regular check up, an found ( odd red marks ) on the inside of mah thighs. They started to think it might be a skin disease, I had to explain to mah mother an the doctor that it was a hickey from mah boyfriend. FML
TODAY, I GOT AN ALERT FROM FACEBOOK THAT IT WAS MY VERY POPULAR AN ATTRACTIVE CLASSMATE'S BRTHDAY. I DECIDED TO BE SWEET AN WRITE "HAPPY BRTHDAY" ON HER WALL, ONLY TO NOTICE IT WASN'T THERE A FEW MINUTES LATER. I REWROTE IT AGAIN AN IT DISAPPEARED. AFTER THREE ATTEMPTS, I TOOK THE HINT. FML
Taday I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower , I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower , instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower , making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML
yastarday I finally got into a yoga class with tha instructor I'va baan crushing on 4 2 yaars. As ha walkd closar to graat ma, I liftd my lag ovar my haad into a full split, an quaafd obnoxiously loud. Ha raspondd with his gag raflax. FML
Today, I met mah girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner . Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby . I never knew she had hernias repaired an said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence . FML
Friday 27 March 2015