michaelacfla

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michaelacfla

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  • Number of visits : 391
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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michaelacfla's favorite FMLs

Today, I hurt my back while exercising. I can't bend over or lift my arms above my head without intense pain. My husband, however, finds my situation hilarious and has moved everything I use frequently to either the floor or high shelf. He giggles every time I try to retrieve anything. FML

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

by Anonymous / 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm / United States (West Virginia) / Animals

Today, as every day for the past few weeks, my husband won't have sex. His reason? We've decided to have a baby, and he reckons that the longer he waits, the more competition there will be between his sperm and thus the better the result will be. FML

by Bouh / 12/26/2012 at 11:04pm / Love

Today, I was talking to my future mother-in-law about my upcoming wedding. She told me that I wasn't allowed to have the wedding at a church, nor wear a white dress, nor have roses for flowers, because that would mean I'd be "copying" her. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2012 at 7:42pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was out apartment hunting with my boyfriend. We visited a marvelous place that ticked all the boxes on our requirement checklist, but my boyfriend was unenthused. There was just one small detail that I hadn’t factored in: it's very badly located if ever zombies attack. FML

by TBTC / 08/31/2012 at 3:16am / France (Pays de la Loire) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

by opinaise / 08/02/2012 at 9:00am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Love

Today, I was at work when a cute guy came up to me and said he liked my shirt. In a desperate attempt to say something back, I said, "Thanks, I like your shoelaces." FML

by anonymous / 07/19/2012 at 6:31pm / United States / Love

Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML

by FauteuilEver Alone / 07/05/2012 at 4:11am / France / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé and I planned a romantic movie night. Champagne, popcorn, romantic comedy. Then his friend decided to show up and they've been talking about 1st generation Pokémon ever since. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2012 at 7:14pm / United States / Love

Today, I overheard my husband talking to our 6 year-old about animals for a project. I listened, thinking it was cute, until my husband said gleefully, "Remember to say this in your project: octopuses have 8 testicles." FML

by daddoesn'tknowbest / 10/13/2011 at 8:24am / United States / Kids

Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML

by sigh... / 06/25/2010 at 2:44am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I found out I have a daughter. How did I find out? She added me on Facebook. FML

by Nick / 01/26/2010 at 4:26pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Kids

Today, my aunt came into the world. My 67 year-old grandfather married a 24 year-old woman who just gave birth to my new aunt, who is 18 years younger than me. FML

by notsohappyniece / 11/02/2009 at 11:10am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the phone with my friend, when my four year old nephew came in, asking who I was talking to. I told him it was Santa Claus, so he insisted on talking to him. I handed over the phone and I hear, "Santa is fake. Grow up." I spent the next two hours with a screaming child proving Santa exists. FML

by stupidsantaclaus / 10/08/2009 at 1:14am / United States (California) / Kids