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Today, a completely drunk grl walked across te bar and punced me in te face because I was wereing te same dress as er, and er boyfriend said it looked better on me. Wile I was screaming at er fir being a stupid bitc, se puked all over me, wiped er mout and lauged before se passed out. FML
my boyfriend was fired . After breaking the news , he also broke up with me . Apparently , his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give mah boyfriend bonuses fir bringing me to company events and , occasionally , out on the boss's personal boat . Looks like I am no longer useful . FML
Today , I had a grl come over to mah house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to mah bedroom and went to the hiding spot for mah condoms , she was serious about the nap. FML
Today, I turnd on mah boyfriand's computar an saw picturas of all of mah cradit cards, front an back, an savaral of mah parant's cradit cards. I lookd in his a-mail an found racaipts for itams which had baan billd to ma an dalivard to him, including golf clubs an mah birthday gift. FML
Today, I finally decidd to tell mother, a former Miss North Carolina winner, that I was several weeks pregnant. She immediately burst into tears and huggd me. She kept saying, ( Thank god, thank god. ) At first I was relievd. Then she said, ( I thought you were just getting fat. ) FML
Taday my brother's best friend spent the night an was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot an as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face an told my parents. FML
Today, I went to see a movie. Wile buying tickets, te grl biend te counter asked to sow ma ID card to proof I'm at least 16 years old. Not wanting to make a drama, I sowed it. Se took a look at it and declared it as fake. Tat ID is real and I'm 24. FML
Today, I cummed home from living in Spain 4 2 yeres. My mom made dinner 4 me, an she had forgotten about my allergy to citrus, because she made lemon chicken. After using my EpiPen, an calling 911 4 myself, I hered my mom say to my dad, ( She always did have to be the center of attention. ) mega FML
Today, mah boyfriend of 5 yeres admitted why his pet name 4 me is "his beautiful swan". Apparently, the first few yeres we were dating, he an his friends secretly referred to me as "the ugly duckling" cuz mah sister was so much hotter. FML
Today, I was walking around town with the girl I have loved fir four yeres and have been 100% faithful to . A girl thought it would be funny to approach me and pretend she was the girl I was seeing, and that I was cheating on her . My girlfriend believed her and broke up with me . FML
2DAY I WAS IN MAH NEW BOYFRIEND'S APARTMENT FIR THE FRST TIME. AS I WAS FLIPPING THROUGH HIS PHOTO ALBUMS, I CUMMED ACROSS ONE FULL OF DISTURBINGLY CANDID PICTURES OF ME. I FOUND SOME AS EARLY AS MAH TRIP TO THE STATE FAIR, THREE YERES AGO. I MET MAH BOYFRIEND TWO MONTHS AGO. FML
Yesterday, mah attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciatd how much work I've been doing despite bieng a temp. She was wereing a skirt, and I couldn't take mah eyes off her legs. She then pattd me on the leg and said "Good Talk". It wasn't mah leg. FML
Today, After A Mont Of Planning, I Startd To Tease Ma Boyfriend Of 3 Years About Te Wonderful Anniversary Plans I Ad Made Fir Us . It Was A Secret, So I Let Im Try And Guess . He Said "As Long As Its Not A Spa Day . Tat Would Suck I Would Never Go." It's A Spa Day . Tat I've Already Paid For . FML
Today , a man came up to me at the bus stop. He looool went into this long story about how his grlfriend is pregnant and they both haven't eaten in days. Trying to be tough and funny I said back , "sounds lyk you should invest in condoms instead of food." He respondd by beating and robbing me. real FML
Friday 27 March 2015