metheonlyb

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Offline (the 06/11/2016 at 3:57pm)

metheonlyb

5Fucked!

metheonlyb
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 28 November 1988 (27 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 16780
  • Number of comments : 199
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About metheonlyb : My life is pretty much an FML. But if you want to know more just send me a message. And girls, if you check my profile out, be assured that I will come and check yours too. Just out of curiosity. :P

metheonlyb's page activity

Visits<b>tikatica</b> - the 07/26/2016 at 11:05am<b>ceciliebossow</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 9:10am<b>n_a_v_y</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 5:42am<b>swenny_xoxo</b> - the 03/23/2016 at 11:28pm<b>TenebrionHZ</b> - the 03/17/2016 at 4:10pm<b>madissin</b> - the 03/11/2016 at 10:01am<b>Bonngoo</b> - the 03/06/2016 at 11:12pm<b>PopBlox</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 10:41pm<b>Sansational_</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 6:21pm<b>mancuneanway</b> - the 02/27/2016 at 4:02pm<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 6:00am<b>racerboy102</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 5:55pm<b>Graham_Cracker</b> - the 02/15/2016 at 7:09am<b>yellow33</b> - the 01/30/2016 at 1:55am<b>corky1992</b> - the 01/20/2016 at 12:06am<b>oceanic_bluee</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 8:14am<b>Sierra7211</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 4:31am<b>kitkat3308</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 3:39am

Fucked!<b>madissin</b> - the 03/11/2016 at 4:01pm<b>Bonngoo</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 5:12am<b>swenny_xoxo</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 5:06pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 8:56pm<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 5:15pm

metheonlyb's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of metheonlyb's badges

metheonlyb's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML

by NoSexForMe / 07/13/2014 at 3:46am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation / 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. I quickly found out that I'd accidentally sent it to my sister instead. She sent me one back. FML

by boob sisters / 07/02/2014 at 1:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like, to see The Fault In Our Stars. She didn't cry, but I did. Twice, hard. FML

by fredfredburger / 06/25/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

by wish his dad had worn one / 06/07/2014 at 5:16pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I gave up trying to make any friends at my job as a firefighter. I'm the lone female, and am the subject of gossip with the older men. Anyone I try to befriend ends up hitting on me, while others won't even talk to me because their wives are jealous. FML

by anikah / 06/01/2014 at 5:53pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

by todaddy / 05/23/2014 at 3:32pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2009 at 4:42pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drove 3 hours to go to an award ceremony. When I got there, I had to wait an hour for the hall to open, then sat listening to speeches for two hours, got my "award", and drove 3 hours home. The award was a small pin that I already had. FML

by HoShiz / 10/25/2009 at 10:18am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me, "Okay we're engaged now." I should have seen it coming when we started dating, I went to his house one night and as I was leaving he said, "Okay you're my girlfriend now." FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2009 at 12:27am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidentally pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML

by ilovefootball / 09/07/2009 at 3:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

by GasAttack / 09/07/2009 at 9:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML

by flexibleflatulance / 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML

by mandy / 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, while giving a lecture about gases to a large chemistry class, I went outside to let loose an unusualy loud fart while they took some notes. I came back in only to see 300 students dying of laughter. I had left the wireless mic on. FML

by DrGas / 09/04/2009 at 12:30am / United States (Arizona) / Work