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mendini's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a giant Scantron test. After putting 10 answers, I noticed every single answer was A. I got freaked out and started putting random answers. Turns out every answer on the test was A. I failed. FML
by FireoftheFuture / 05/02/2013 at 7:02am / United States / Work
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals
by reyoflight / 04/19/2013 at 6:04pm / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Kids
Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML
by thanks, my fellow americans / 04/18/2013 at 5:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML
by Flora / 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a library to return a book that I've had for years. After a heated discussion with the librarian, not only did she charge me over a hundred dollars for the book, she also called the cops to escort me out. FML
by LoLWut?? nd Why?? / 04/16/2013 at 12:01am / United States / Money
Today, I was screamed at and told that I was denying someone's "second amendment" by not letting him through with a gun. I work at the border; he was trying to enter Canada. This is not the first time, and it probably won't be the last. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 6:23am / Canada / Work
Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health
by dancekat / 04/08/2013 at 5:17am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML
by badparent / 04/08/2013 at 12:26am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
by what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god / 04/05/2013 at 2:51pm / Singapore / Health
Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML
by haku4u / 04/01/2013 at 7:18pm / United States (Florida) / Money
by Hooker / 03/28/2013 at 7:58pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 4:00am / United States (California) / Holidays