Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

melody309

Offline (the 11/18/2014 at 7:03pm) | Search for a member

melody309

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1991
  • Number of comments : 124
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About melody309 : Hi, I like cupcakes, and sometimes the FML community scares me too much to comment on anything.

melody309's page activity

Visits<b>Xx_DEXIJOKER_xX</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 6:12am<b>hordriss</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 11:28am<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 1:48am<b>derp_taco</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 11:29pm<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 7:46am<b>vordhosbn</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 12:58pm<b>mip_92</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 12:37pm<b>andy594328</b> - the 10/23/2014 at 7:17pm<b>redheadedmonster</b> - the 10/23/2014 at 6:46pm<b>Rozza17</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 7:42am<b>saba_ajira</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 6:07am<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 1:39pm<b>ironfey</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 10:29pm<b>jcast0627</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 8:05pm<b>weveallbeenthere</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 8:21pm<b>GentlemanBastard</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 9:53pm<b>coolsoccer1234</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 2:29pm<b>abdiG</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 7:44pm

Liked!<b>derp_taco</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 4:29am

melody309's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of melody309's badges

melody309's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

#20929956
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45893) - you deserved it (4865)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

#20929956
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45893) - you deserved it (4865)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

#20929399
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31552) - you deserved it (10626)

On 10/21/2013 at 8:12pm - health - by OutOfMyMind (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, the family upstairs decided to play basketball. Indoors. At 3am. FML

#20928702
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40259) - you deserved it (2762)

On 10/21/2013 at 9:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

#20925183
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27217) - you deserved it (39062)

On 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came across some bubble wrap. Turned out it was a special type of bubble wrap that cannot be popped. FML

#20924315
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47906) - you deserved it (4348)

On 10/17/2013 at 6:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

#20922561
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46819) - you deserved it (6527)

On 10/16/2013 at 9:33am - kids - by TiredMum - United States (Washington)

Today, I was maced. Not by a person, but rather by one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom. It was conveniently placed at eye level, you know, for freshness. FML

#20921961
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39262) - you deserved it (2822)

On 10/15/2013 at 8:38pm - health - by erockinthesuburb (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, during a family dinner, my 5-year-old son excitedly told everyone that I let him use my "douche" last week. My parents glared at me in anger and horror, and only after they left did I find out that his brother had told him that's what my loofah is called. FML

#20915293
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38627) - you deserved it (3138)

On 10/10/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by Lady Douche of Asscrackington (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

#20914246
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32585) - you deserved it (6338)

On 10/09/2013 at 7:15pm - work - by Ellie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got my two-year-old's Halloween costume in the mail. I tried it on him to make sure it fit. He loves it so much that he is now having a complete meltdown because he wants to go trick-or-treating. He doesn't understand we only go trick-or-treating on Halloween. 23 more days to go. FML

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML

#20912171
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53632) - you deserved it (4230)

On 10/08/2013 at 5:55am - kids - by thisguy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up, got dressed, and left for the 1 hour drive to the nearest vet. When I arrived, I realized that I left my cat in its carrier on my kitchen counter. FML

#20908268
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40089) - you deserved it (24414)

On 10/05/2013 at 12:00pm - animals - by wasted_gas - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized how bad my insomnia had got when I tried answering my water bottle when my alarm went off. FML

#20901491
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34585) - you deserved it (2764)

On 09/30/2013 at 1:01am - health - by Overworked - United States

Today, a girl who's in charge of a group project that I get graded on, asked if Bill Gates was a Founding Father. She was totally serious. I'm screwed. FML

#20900504
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38244) - you deserved it (2468)

On 09/29/2013 at 1:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: