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melody309

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melody309

13Fucked!

melody309melody309
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4205
  • Number of comments : 151
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About melody309 : Hi! I'm just a college student trying to find her way in the world without drowning in debt. My favorite things in the world are baking, Harry Potter, Pokémon, music, All Time Low, psychology, my cat, my family, and my boyfriend. Sometimes I like to dance around my room like I'm 14 and pretend my hair brush is a microphone, and I'm not ashamed.

melody309's page activity

Visits<b>fiftycarrots</b> - yesterday at 11:04pm<b>Dave_Davington</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 5:14am<b>Xx_DEXIJOKER_xX</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 10:27pm<b>Nahpets</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 3:22pm<b>fmlnjd2013</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 6:50pm<b>j_luisa</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 12:00pm<b>GoldCyclone</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 9:18pm<b>abdiG</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 11:29pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 1:41pm<b>emmy165</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 6:21pm<b>stieglar</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 8:06pm<b>zjay</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 3:15pm<b>apcsox</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 11:28pm<b>columbusthecat</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 1:55pm<b>MissJennyale</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 6:06am<b>jewstooge</b> - the 06/17/2015 at 11:38pm<b>taylorwray13</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 12:12am<b>melanielovejeff</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 10:09pm

Fucked!<b>fiftycarrots</b> - 19 hours ago<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 7:41pm<b>columbusthecat</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 5:22am<b>bdsmslave</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 11:28pm<b>Xx_ISeeStara_xD</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 2:06am<b>Chickenlips21</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 7:35pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 2:42am<b>Soninuva</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 4:18am<b>hahahehehe</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 11:31pm<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 12:51pm<b>shitcreeksurvr</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 7:53pm<b>DestinyNiya</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 9:29am<b>derp_taco</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 4:29am

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melody309's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML

#21182978
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40482) - you deserved it (4869)

On 06/21/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52633) - you deserved it (4624)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML

#21176688
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44193) - you deserved it (9954)

On 06/16/2014 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

#21154562
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47728) - you deserved it (28568)

On 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm - kids - by outsmartedbykids (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my girlfriend and I got into an argument while she was in the bathroom. I told her I was leaving her because she's too needy. She came out of the bathroom and threw her used tampon at me. FML

#21151109
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46231) - you deserved it (32898)

On 05/25/2014 at 11:50am - love - by HomicidalPegasus (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

#21147237
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47179) - you deserved it (4042)

On 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

#21145558
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48695) - you deserved it (5593)

On 05/19/2014 at 8:00pm - kids - by Baby eater - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

#21139824
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42315) - you deserved it (15825)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

#21137819
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47206) - you deserved it (6135)

On 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm - misc - by Jarool - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my four year old son came into the restroom while I was applying my make-up, and asked me "Mommy, are you putting on make-up so that someone will love you?" FML

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML

#21133982
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64114) - you deserved it (8116)

On 05/08/2014 at 9:55am - love - by STOP (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was driving my grandpa to the store because his car is in the shop. I was well within the speed limit, but he kept yelling at me for "speeding", then accused me of trying to give him a heart attack, and eventually pulled the e-brake, getting us rear-ended. He refuses to apologise. FML

#21129670
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45571) - you deserved it (3568)

On 05/03/2014 at 2:15pm - work - by kezbabes - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML



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