About melody309 : Hi! I'm just a college student trying to find her way in the world without drowning in debt. My favorite things in the world are baking, Harry Potter, Pokémon, music, All Time Low, psychology, my cat, my family, and my boyfriend. Sometimes I like to dance around my room like I'm 14 and pretend my hair brush is a microphone, and I'm not ashamed.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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melody309's favorite FMLs
by justjoking / 12/16/2014 at 8:54pm / United States / Work
by MisUnFortunate / 12/16/2014 at 1:42pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
by galladore / 12/12/2014 at 10:17am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML
by MedStudent90 / 12/11/2014 at 1:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, I bought my cat a fun toy at the one of a kind craft show. It has catnip in it, which he loves. He flipped out, so I took it away. He won't stop trying to break into the cupboard I put it in. My cat has a drug problem. FML
by allykat / 12/02/2014 at 7:56pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned what it would be like if he had sex with anyone other than me. I mentioned the same about him. He quickly yelled, "No, you're a woman. You are mine!" FML
by justagirl / 12/02/2014 at 12:40am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by supertacowaffle / 11/28/2014 at 3:47pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Miscellaneous
by tine / 11/16/2014 at 4:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by CatLover / 11/06/2014 at 1:30pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by boobear511 / 11/02/2014 at 7:26pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by jay-frey96 / 11/02/2014 at 10:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/19/2014 at 4:58pm / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, a nurse asked my relationship status. I answered, "Married". She then asked if there was any possibility of me being pregnant. I hardly contained my snort, before responding, "No, you have to have sex for that." I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that it's true or her laughter. FML
by bluevix / 10/10/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML
by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I went into an exam room to do a check-up on one of my patients. I told the little girl's mother that she needed her flu shots. When the girl heard this, she took an apple out of her pocket and threw it at me. FML
by jazzie7719 / 09/28/2014 at 3:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
- Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand… Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am.… Today, my roommate told me that unscented deodorant prevents ingrown hairs on the bikini line. She…