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melody309

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melody309
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 824
  • Number of comments : 116
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About melody309 : Hi, I like cupcakes, and sometimes the FML community scares me too much to comment on anything.

melody309's last visitors

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melody309's FML badges

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of melody309's badges

melody309's favorite FMLs

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

#20817265
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53347) - you deserved it (4806)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by um... what the fuck, miss? (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML

#20809312
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41119) - you deserved it (8905)

On 07/29/2013 at 4:19am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my horse farted and scared itself, then ran all the way up the hill and wouldn't stop until I fell off. FML

#20807336
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42364) - you deserved it (3240)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:28am - animals - by mishyb (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out why we've had to replace 3 washing machines this year. My sister thinks that "huge capacity" means "load the washing machine until no more clothes will fit." It blows the motor every time. She's 31. FML

#20806007
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45772) - you deserved it (3634)

On 07/27/2013 at 5:26am - misc - by kilamo80 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my grandma walked into my house drunk. She was mumbling something about her being a badass because she beat someone with a pool stick at a bar. She's 68 years old. FML

#20804067
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35539) - you deserved it (3228)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:10am - misc - by dareyale (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my husband managed to set fire to half of our garden setting up mosquito repellents. FML

#20802186
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35400) - you deserved it (2888)

On 07/25/2013 at 12:10am - misc - by how (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, one of my bosses said, "You're going to take this as an insult, but it's not. At a certain age, women are supposed to cut their hair short." I have long hair. My bosses have all of the social skills of the guys from Big Bang Theory. FML

#20798680
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33871) - you deserved it (2737)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:23am - work - by Irreverend (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to wake my mom up. While she was naked. On the toilet. FML

Today, I told my boyfriend I had diabetes. He won't talk to me anymore because he thinks I'll infect him with it. FML

#20796495
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45735) - you deserved it (3500)

On 07/21/2013 at 10:35pm - love - by sabrinatarmine_ - United States (California)

Today, while filling out paperwork at the dermatologist, it asked what color I would use to describe my skin tone. When the nurse saw I chose fair, she mumbled "Ghost is more like it." I have a severe sun allergy. FML

#20795568
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43123) - you deserved it (3247)

On 07/21/2013 at 11:03am - misc - by Ghostly (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was on a bus and I was so exhausted that I fell asleep. According to a few other passengers, I nestled into the chest of the guy next to me, and hit him every time he made a noise. FML

#20795078
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39781) - you deserved it (8727)

On 07/21/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by accountnamevalid (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

#20786059
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41889) - you deserved it (11922)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:12am - misc - by TNDriver (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I baked strawberry muffins for my family, putting half a strawberry on each of them. Only when it was too late did I realize that they looked like extremely creepy breasts. FML

#20786008
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34258) - you deserved it (6633)

On 07/16/2013 at 8:01am - misc - by muffin (woman) - Austria

Today, I was marking exams. I then had to explain to many of the students that (a) pigs are not aquatic animals and (b) sharks do not have lungs. These are university students. FML

#20784658
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40799) - you deserved it (3546)

On 07/15/2013 at 5:14pm - work - by lame-o-prof (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

#20783255
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46700) - you deserved it (5609)

On 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)



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