About melody309 : Hi! I'm just a college student trying to find her way in the world without drowning in debt. My favorite things in the world are baking, Harry Potter, Pokémon, music, All Time Low, psychology, my cat, my family, and my boyfriend. Sometimes I like to dance around my room like I'm 14 and pretend my hair brush is a microphone, and I'm not ashamed.
melody309's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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melody309's favorite FMLs
by anonymous / 07/19/2015 at 9:23pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Razz / 07/15/2015 at 6:02pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by 4am blues / 07/13/2015 at 12:39am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, while reading my girlfriend's kids a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML
by Anonymous / 07/06/2015 at 10:21pm / United States / Kids
by BrittUnicorn / 07/06/2015 at 11:14am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/27/2015 at 12:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes while I ran into a store. The car was running so he was fine, the thing that wasn't so fine is that when I walked out my car wasn't there. My dog somehow moved my car into the middle of a intersection, almost causing an accident. FML
by ej6901 / 06/23/2015 at 4:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
by fartypants / 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I took my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said "Never take a shit in this place! Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML
by justin bieber's nutsack / 06/06/2015 at 3:32am / United Kingdom / Work
by Anonymous / 05/31/2015 at 4:36pm / United States (California) / Love
by DENTALITY / 05/23/2015 at 7:06am / Norway / Kids
Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML
by HiddlePuff / 05/14/2015 at 8:42am / Australia / Work
by Suicidal_Divide / 05/06/2015 at 3:25pm / United States (California) / Kids
by bleue / 04/23/2015 at 8:27am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/19/2015 at 11:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I had to work a double shift as a server with a multi-fractured foot because my boss decided… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I… Today, I found my daughters hiding spot. Yeah there was dolls, matchbox cars and coloring markers.…