melody309

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Offline (the 02/29/2016 at 3:33am)

melody309

22Fucked!

melody309
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6381
  • Number of comments : 158
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About melody309 : Hi! I'm just a college student trying to find her way in the world without drowning in debt. My favorite things in the world are baking, Harry Potter, Pokémon, music, All Time Low, psychology, my cat, my family, and my boyfriend. Sometimes I like to dance around my room like I'm 14 and pretend my hair brush is a microphone, and I'm not ashamed.

melody309's page activity

Visits<b>no0ne0890</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 3:11pm<b>dmcintosh</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 6:04pm<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 7:18am<b>LivToFail</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 12:07am<b>kelsclaire</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 6:31pm<b>Helldemon</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 6:38am<b>Quiggles789</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 10:07pm<b>Y0UI34574RD</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 3:52pm<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 2:50pm<b>lostfaithinpppl</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 2:05pm<b>beeferjay</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 2:58pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 2:23pm<b>kukumber</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 3:20pm<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 12/05/2015 at 7:33am<b>Seashells77</b> - the 12/04/2015 at 4:05am<b>bellabow</b> - the 12/01/2015 at 12:35am<b>holymacabre</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 7:45pm<b>NozomiTojo</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 1:30pm

Fucked!<b>no0ne0890</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 9:12pm<b>Quiggles789</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 4:07am<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 8:50pm<b>NozomiTojo</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 7:30pm<b>MasterTron</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 1:43am<b>khoov19</b> - the 09/05/2015 at 2:46pm<b>TheLostCauseFML</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 9:08am<b>chuchusheep</b> - the 08/04/2015 at 3:20pm<b>Mitchellbassists</b> - the 08/04/2015 at 2:09pm<b>fiftycarrots</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 5:04am<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 7:41pm<b>columbusthecat</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 5:22am<b>bdsmslave</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 11:28pm<b>Xx_ISeeStara_xD</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 2:06am<b>Chickenlips21</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 7:35pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 2:42am<b>Soninuva</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 4:18am<b>hahahehehe</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 11:31pm

melody309's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of melody309's badges

melody309's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out my son told his teachers that I make his brother Tom sleep on the floor, make him stay out of the house for long periods of time, and don't let him use the toilet. Tom is actually our cat. FML

by Bad Mother / 10/08/2015 at 7:53am / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Animals

Today, I got confused and said grace before brushing my teeth. FML

by oops / 09/26/2015 at 10:24pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, there was a big party at my workplace. The only person that was socializing with me in any way was my co-workers 4-year-old daughter. Before leaving, she drew smiley faces on plastic plates and napkins and gave them to me so I "will have some friends and not be all alone". FML

by ForeverAlone / 09/22/2015 at 5:40pm / Ukraine / Miscellaneous

Today, while enjoying a truly epic move from my wife in the hotel shower, I managed to accidentally pull the "grab bar" from the wall and clock her in the side of the head. Three stitches at the Urgent Care later, she's explaining to the entire waiting room how it happened. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2015 at 9:24am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I dropped my toothbrush. Because I have the spatial awareness of a mentally-retarded gnat, I hit my head against the sink as I bent down to get it. Then I did the same on the way back up, almost KO'ing myself. My boyfriend saw the whole thing and nearly pissed himself laughing. FML

by dammit / 09/12/2015 at 4:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, I told my nephew to be careful when crossing the street in front of a bus because it might eat him. We then watched as a bus slowed down and stopped in front of a group of people. When the bus moved away, all the people were gone. My nephew is terrified, and won't stop crying. FML

by busmonster / 09/11/2015 at 8:32pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, my wife is unreasonably mad at me for telling our kids to call toilet paper, "Butt Floss". FML

by chillnhill / 09/10/2015 at 10:31pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at a party that was pretty big, I thought it would be funny to photobomb a photo. In doing so, I slipped over and snapped my arm in. I may now have to get surgery. The good thing is I made a hell of a photobomb. FML

by the poor man / 09/05/2015 at 1:36pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Health

Today, I came home from a business trip and was greeted by a foul smell. I soon found out my husband accidentally let the milk go bad by leaving it out all day, then tried to solve the problem by "balancing the temperatures" by putting it in the freezer. Oh honey, no. Just no. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2015 at 12:18pm / Denmark (Sjelland) / Love

Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML

by MyBallsForSaleOnEbay / 08/21/2015 at 11:25am / Malta / Kids

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

by BarhydtBran / 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was attacked by a duck. I thought I was higher on the food chain than that. FML

by MoxleyCrue / 08/17/2015 at 3:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered that my mom bought roll on stick glue that looks quite a bit like deodorant. It was early in the morning and I was groggy. Long story short, I had to cut every one of my pit hairs. FML

by someboody / 08/15/2015 at 12:50pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my 82-year-old great grandfather informed me that his "peeter" still works, and that most guys his age can't say the same. FML

by yamaha_313 / 08/11/2015 at 12:20am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. When I went to change into tight jeans which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled: "It's the mommy show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2015 at 8:37pm / United States (Texas) / Kids