Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

melody309

Offline (8 hours ago) | Search for a member

melody309

11Fucked!

melody309melody309
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3937
  • Number of comments : 151
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About melody309 : Hi! I'm just a college student trying to find her way in the world without drowning in debt. My favorite things in the world are baking, music, All Time Low, psychology, my cat, my family, and my boyfriend. Sometimes I like to dance around my room like I'm 14 and pretend my hair brush is a microphone, and I'm not ashamed.

melody309's page activity

Visits<b>emmy165</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 6:21pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 5:55pm<b>stieglar</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 8:06pm<b>zjay</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 3:15pm<b>apcsox</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 11:28pm<b>columbusthecat</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 1:55pm<b>MissJennyale</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 6:06am<b>jewstooge</b> - the 06/17/2015 at 11:38pm<b>taylorwray13</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 12:12am<b>melanielovejeff</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 10:09pm<b>Carmona04</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 2:10am<b>Jord_Fox</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 5:02am<b>Kamorka</b> - the 05/20/2015 at 2:25am<b>bdsmslave</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 6:09am<b>Xx_ISeeStara_xD</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 6:35pm<b>Cads1</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 10:23pm<b>Whaleyfish</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 2:30am<b>MechanicKayla</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 9:02pm

Fucked!<b>columbusthecat</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 5:22am<b>bdsmslave</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 11:28pm<b>Xx_ISeeStara_xD</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 2:06am<b>Chickenlips21</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 7:35pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 2:42am<b>Soninuva</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 4:18am<b>hahahehehe</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 11:31pm<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 12:51pm<b>shitcreeksurvr</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 7:53pm<b>DestinyNiya</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 9:29am<b>derp_taco</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 4:29am

melody309's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of melody309's badges

melody309's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

#21432612
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21322) - you deserved it (2057)

On 06/27/2015 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes while I ran into a store. The car was running so he was fine, the thing that wasn't so fine is that when I walked out my car wasn't there. My dog somehow moved my car into the middle of a intersection, almost causing an accident. FML

#21430717
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19554) - you deserved it (16347)

On 06/23/2015 at 4:00pm - animals - by ej6901 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as I finished my piano recital and took a bow, I farted into the microphone. FML

#21428226
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29401) - you deserved it (3682)

On 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm - work - by fartypants - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said "Never take a shit in this place! Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML

#21421640
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26047) - you deserved it (2353)

On 06/06/2015 at 3:32am - work - by justin bieber's nutsack (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend is angry with me. We had an argument on how to properly eat an Oreo. FML

#21418659
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24720) - you deserved it (5116)

On 05/31/2015 at 4:36pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML

#21414342
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25842) - you deserved it (3101)

On 05/23/2015 at 7:06am - kids - by DENTALITY (woman) - Norway

Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML

#21409928
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32600) - you deserved it (7082)

On 05/14/2015 at 8:42am - work - by HiddlePuff - Australia

Today, I heard a loud beep for over an hour. It didn't come from my phone or even an alarm of some sort. It was my son pretending to be a smoke alarm. FML

Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let a loud fart rip. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML

#21398419
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28237) - you deserved it (4005) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/23/2015 at 8:27am - kids - by bleue - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I was so sleep-deprived, I thought a white car driving toward me was a polar bear. I screamed like a little girl and started panicking. I live in California. FML

#21396178
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26695) - you deserved it (6882)

On 04/19/2015 at 11:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got up feeling refreshed and positive for the first time in ages, so I happily threw my window open to greet the beautiful morning. A bee flew into my eye. FML

#21394396
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29670) - you deserved it (2679)

On 04/15/2015 at 10:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I heard my 2-year-old sister crying, so I left my room to comfort her. She looked at me, held my hand, escorted me back to my room and closed the door. FML

#21392817
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30387) - you deserved it (2780)

On 04/13/2015 at 6:46am - kids - by transcendingnerd (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

#21392458
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30101) - you deserved it (5464)

On 04/12/2015 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

#21382327
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28555) - you deserved it (3034)

On 03/27/2015 at 9:29am - kids - by njh - Ireland

Today, I was doing homework and I had my leg bent in a funny position. When I stood up, my hip dislocated. It was the most painful thing I've ever experienced. When people ask me what happened, I have to say I dislocated my hip doing calculus. FML

#21381072
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28635) - you deserved it (2992)

On 03/25/2015 at 12:24am - health - by anonymous - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • Tania's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! How are you all doing? This week has been quite eventful for some people. Uber has been causing taxi drivers here and there to get their knickers in a twist, notable over here in France, which caused…

Friday 26 June 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: