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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I got a call from my five-year-old son's principal, my son had pooped in the school yard then gave the teacher a ziploc bag and commanded her to pick it up. He said he was trying to imitate our dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29269) - you deserved it (4292)
On 03/15/2011 at 10:05pm - kids - by anonymous -
Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19879) - you deserved it (3306)
On 02/20/2011 at 12:45pm - animals - by Michelle - United States (California)
Today, I had to get into my house via the dog flap because my mom changed the locks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20341) - you deserved it (2924)
On 02/18/2011 at 4:18pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, at work, my phone rang. My intern answered it and told me it was a coworker who'd just left. I picked up and said "What's up bitch? What are you going to complain about now?!" It was actually my boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6605) - you deserved it (27602)
On 02/18/2011 at 4:33am - work - by Username -
Today, I brought home a ukulele I had just bought. Excited, I showed my dad. He then looked at me, smirked, and said "Just like everything else you have, it's a bit smaller than normal." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23849) - you deserved it (3715)
On 02/18/2011 at 2:55am - misc - by Austyn -
Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31970) - you deserved it (3237)
On 02/18/2011 at 2:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19907) - you deserved it (5407)
On 02/17/2011 at 10:02pm - misc - by justmyluck? -
Today, I got stuck in a small elevator. It started to violently judder up and down after I pressed the 'Help' buzzer. The man on the intercom wouldn't stop laughing at how my voice was jumpy from the juddering movements before he called for help. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17187) - you deserved it (1740)
On 02/17/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by stuckinalift (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I found out that the mysterious yellow mould that won't come off my apartment floor is in fact the remains of a condom my room-mate used when she was f*cking her boyfriend in my bed. Afterwards, she apparently threw it on the floor and let it lie there. For three weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26393) - you deserved it (2618)
On 02/17/2011 at 4:27pm - intimacy - by Faluna (woman) - Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan)
Today, my boyfriend renamed all the contacts in my phone to see if I'd notice. Thanks to him, I've been sending dirty texts to my boss. The worst part is my boss was responding back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37477) - you deserved it (4063)
On 02/17/2011 at 1:37pm - intimacy - by fmylife117 - United States
Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend asking if I'd Skype with him. Thinking he'd find my tousled bed hair and big t-shirt sexy, I went on. The first thing he noticed was the massive booger on my face that stretched from my nose to the other side of my cheek. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8731) - you deserved it (22557)
On 02/17/2011 at 12:29pm - misc - by Whatever479 - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, I was in science class studying dead insects for biology. After packing away the jars, I noticed a red-back spider on the bench. Thinking it was missing from a jar, I picked it up. It wasn't missing. It was alive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20763) - you deserved it (3312)
On 02/17/2011 at 5:39am - animals - by shaunaaa (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, my boyfriend fed me chocolate chip cookies with laxatives in them because he was concerned I did not poop enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27159) - you deserved it (2799)
On 02/17/2011 at 3:08am - health - by clashgurl8449 -
Today, I ran out of toilet paper in the bathroom. I was forced to use tissues to do the job. As if that wasn't bad enough, the sanitizer in the tissues gave me a rash that made me have to stand up frequently in the lecture hall. Several people asked if I had Tourette's. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18864) - you deserved it (2738)
On 02/17/2011 at 1:22am - health - by no more tp -
Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn't open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18358) - you deserved it (6742)
On 02/16/2011 at 6:58pm - misc - by CandyMachine (woman) - United States (Colorado)
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