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mcmuffinman1

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mcmuffinman1
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 194
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About mcmuffinman1 : I'm a math major in college and a magician and tutor. Okay, so I'm a little strange...
I know origami, make balloon animals, and like to laugh more than anything. Okay, I'm more than just a little strange...

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mcmuffinman1's favorite FMLs

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

#21073315
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24167) - you deserved it (53334)

On 02/27/2014 at 4:46pm - misc - by well SHIT (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML

#20942769
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53856) - you deserved it (5096)

On 11/02/2013 at 5:10pm - kids - by unknown (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML

#20883807
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41970) - you deserved it (7408)

On 09/16/2013 at 2:47pm - kids - by meganmagee (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

#20875776
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45018) - you deserved it (3820)

On 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

#20848315
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42607) - you deserved it (20896)

On 08/21/2013 at 7:45pm - love - by me (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

#20181345
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36308) - you deserved it (3184)

On 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

#20119371
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27846) - you deserved it (16778)

On 10/16/2012 at 8:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

#20079475
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57105) - you deserved it (2877)

On 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm - intimacy - by identitychangeplease - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

#20068526
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37699) - you deserved it (2942)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML

#19713901
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28461) - you deserved it (2150)

On 06/01/2012 at 3:02am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend came to my house crying because the guy who she has been cheating on me with doesn't want to be with her anymore. FML

#18163904
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48978) - you deserved it (3489)

On 11/05/2011 at 11:40am - love - by oink401 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66635) - you deserved it (6939)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML

#16980520
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9149) - you deserved it (64449)

On 07/05/2011 at 12:32am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was about to make love to my girlfriend at the local park when a cop caught us. I had to give him our information and hold a conversation with "Fire and Ice" lubricant on my penis. FML

#16724592
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13638) - you deserved it (50518)

On 06/18/2011 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Khrixas_069 - United States (California)

Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML

#14234823
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27525) - you deserved it (11704)

On 12/17/2010 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)



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