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maylani

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maylani

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 12 September 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 103
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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maylani's page activity

Visits<b>hoffmanam</b> - the 02/25/2013 at 4:08pm<b>SerpentBoy</b> - the 02/17/2013 at 7:28am<b>TheDrifter</b> - the 12/25/2012 at 12:05am

maylani's FML badges

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I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

It’s in the can

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maylani's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

#20418295
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48979) - you deserved it (10225)

On 12/24/2012 at 8:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

#20417691
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55496) - you deserved it (9868)

On 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Saradee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when he suddenly grabbed my front. He said, in a sexy voice, "Is that your boob?". He had grabbed a fat roll. FML

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

#20062989
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24603) - you deserved it (4993)

On 09/08/2012 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after a visit with my mom, I started feeling sick. I meant to send her a text asking if she had gotten sick lately, but I accidentally sent a text asking if she had gotten dick lately. FML

#20054615
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27724) - you deserved it (4615)

On 09/02/2012 at 7:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

#20043181
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27965) - you deserved it (3746)

On 08/26/2012 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

#20003323
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27525) - you deserved it (5845)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML

#19995628
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56512) - you deserved it (10347)

On 08/01/2012 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML

#19983416
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38278) - you deserved it (8187)

On 07/25/2012 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

#19877341
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33109) - you deserved it (4785)

On 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

#19164002
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28180) - you deserved it (5112)

On 02/25/2012 at 10:13pm - misc - by baconandkittens (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

#17953738
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34501) - you deserved it (24609)

On 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a concert with my boyfriend. I was repeatedly ass-grabbed, grinded on and hit on by guys. My boyfriend's response was, "As long as they continue to bring you free beer, let them get a little feel of what they are paying for." FML

#16674026
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39919) - you deserved it (8240)

On 06/15/2011 at 6:20am - misc - by unknown - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to this boy I really like and we were laughing together, until I got this disgusting putrid smell. I started to say how awful the smell was and he stopped laughing to take a sniff too. As soon as he closed his mouth the smell was gone. FML

#16292303
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41307) - you deserved it (4001)

On 05/22/2011 at 2:30am - health - by ninalian - United States (Puerto Rico)

Today, I learned I was adopted and that my parents had died in a car accident when I was really young. My girlfriend was sitting next to me when I got the news, and several hours later broke up with me in a text stating, "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't have real parents." FML

#13506620
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75342) - you deserved it (3328)

On 10/19/2010 at 12:30am - misc - by losingit (man) - United States (California)



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