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maylani's FML badges
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
maylani's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 8:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Saradee / 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by ToughTitties / 12/14/2012 at 8:45am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/08/2012 at 10:20am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/02/2012 at 7:47pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2012 at 7:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2012 at 1:33am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 12:17am / Canada / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm / Intimacy
by baconandkittens / 02/25/2012 at 10:13pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a concert with my boyfriend. I was repeatedly ass-grabbed, grinded on and hit on by guys. My boyfriend's response was, "As long as they continue to bring you free beer, let them get a little feel of what they are paying for." FML
by unknown / 06/15/2011 at 6:20am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was talking to this boy I really like and we were laughing together, until I got this disgusting putrid smell. I started to say how awful the smell was and he stopped laughing to take a sniff too. As soon as he closed his mouth the smell was gone. FML
by ninalian / 05/22/2011 at 2:30am / United States (Puerto Rico) / Health
Today, I learned I was adopted and that my parents had died in a car accident when I was really young. My girlfriend was sitting next to me when I got the news, and several hours later broke up with me in a text stating, "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't have real parents." FML
by losingit / 10/19/2010 at 12:30am / United States (California) / Love
by Username / 07/28/2010 at 7:20am / Intimacy