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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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mayajimenez

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mayajimenez
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 202
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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mayajimenez's favorite FMLs

Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for me and my girlfriend. I was trying that move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and the girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. Only when I tried it, my spagetti went down too far in my throat and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML

#3524810 (102)

I agree, your life sucks (32232) - you deserved it (18691)

On 07/06/2009 at 12:54pm - love - by spitballer1 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

#1658004 (121)

I agree, your life sucks (20757) - you deserved it (41402)

On 05/05/2009 at 10:17am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I called my mom for the first time in a few weeks, just to chat because I miss her. When she picked up, the first thing she said was, "Why are you calling? What's wrong? Do you have swine flu??" When I told her that I didn't, and I just wanted to chat, she hung up. FML

#1513141 (71)

I agree, your life sucks (45996) - you deserved it (2766)

On 05/01/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I woke up with the worst cold, ever. My nose was running like crazy and my eyes were all puffy. So I stumbled over to the medicine cabinet and took what I thought were three tylenol cold's. Two hours later I'm still sick and I can't leave the bathroom. They were laxatives. FML

#1507278 (95)

I agree, your life sucks (32508) - you deserved it (17534)

On 04/30/2009 at 9:40pm - health - by fuckmyliiiiiiife (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML

#1493509 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (10301) - you deserved it (70968)

On 04/30/2009 at 3:44pm - intimacy - by cait (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

#1475433 (211)

I agree, your life sucks (58834) - you deserved it (6737)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by ohmyx3 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was feeling up my girlfriends chest. I was getting into it until she said "What are you doing?" I said I was rubbing her nipple. She replies, "Thats not my nipple, its a pimple." I felt up a pimple. FML

#1449885 (235)

I agree, your life sucks (54930) - you deserved it (32277)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

#1415955 (192)

I agree, your life sucks (18483) - you deserved it (77293)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML

#1400081 (111)

I agree, your life sucks (5810) - you deserved it (51774)

On 04/27/2009 at 6:04pm - animals - by silentbutdeadly (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML

#1399688 (178)

I agree, your life sucks (50047) - you deserved it (4369)

On 04/27/2009 at 5:50pm - animals - by Tragic (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. They live on the 27th floor. Alone in the elevator we started making out. Turns out that theres a camera in the elevator, connected to every apartment. My grandma asked me how it was. FML

#1394629 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (32277) - you deserved it (12685)

On 04/27/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by fmylifechelsea (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

#1387325 (234)

I agree, your life sucks (18086) - you deserved it (90082)

On 04/27/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by BARF (woman) - United States (California)

Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML

#1382761 (182)

I agree, your life sucks (75043) - you deserved it (15506)

On 04/27/2009 at 2:14am - misc - by hjgjh - United States (California)

Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML

#1378715 (72)

I agree, your life sucks (37464) - you deserved it (3451)

On 04/27/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my family was talking about how people's hair goes gray when they get old. My grandma mentioned that she was initially attracted to my grandpa because of his red hair and was sad when it turned gray. "It's ok," she continued, "his pubic hair is still red." FML

#1378571 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (56056) - you deserved it (2487)

On 04/27/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by ewwww (woman) - United States (Tennessee)