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maxtrader007

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maxtrader007
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  • Number of visits : 213
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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maxtrader007's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

#21110801
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36451) - you deserved it (5043)

On 04/12/2014 at 1:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML

#21108665
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34144) - you deserved it (5370)

On 04/09/2014 at 5:12pm - intimacy - by damn (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

#21097985
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39517) - you deserved it (5588)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm - love - by oops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized how sad my life is when for my 18th birthday, I went to a strip club, by myself, in GTA V. FML

#21092916
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39002) - you deserved it (7021)

On 03/21/2014 at 7:42pm - misc - by BMTH2296 (man) - United States

Today, I had a text message when I woke up. I was excited as I usually don't get texts from people. Turns out it was from T-Mobile. They text me more than actual people do. FML

#21091718
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35858) - you deserved it (4231)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:15pm - misc - by skrumpp (man) -

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

#20977883
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17642) - you deserved it (46821)

On 12/02/2013 at 1:41am - misc - by car keyer (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43181) - you deserved it (19271)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got my dad to fill in a questionnaire my teacher handed out on Friday. One question said "I would like to see my son/daughter ______." My dad wrote in the blank: "less often." FML

#20961005
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44105) - you deserved it (3531)

On 11/17/2013 at 3:27pm - kids - by :( (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

#20939123
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42861) - you deserved it (7337)

On 10/30/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by goodgrief (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

#20904456
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14452) - you deserved it (101453)

On 10/02/2013 at 8:43am - love - by Lilly (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

#20877041
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54518) - you deserved it (8924)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom was sharing the story of how I was born with the umbilical cord around my neck. My sister added that it was God's first attempt to kill me off. FML

Today, I was asked by my neighbor to stop jogging in our neighborhood because he keeps catching his son whacking off while watching me. His son is 28 years old and still lives at home. I'm 18. FML

#20869383
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52970) - you deserved it (3660)

On 09/05/2013 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by whatjusthappened - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

#20867249
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30669) - you deserved it (9725)

On 09/04/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by interphaseprophasemetaphase (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was at the doctor's getting a check up. He asked me if I was allergic to anything, to which I blurted out, "Cats." He gave me a weird look and said, "Don't worry, I won't give you cats." FML

#20865755
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36374) - you deserved it (5901)

On 09/03/2013 at 4:17am - health - by NoNotCats =^._.^= (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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