Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

matthewdb

Search for a member

matthewdb

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 26 August 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3229
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About matthewdb : Still waiting for break away pants to make a come back.

matthewdb's page activity

Visits<b>kaz55</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 11:27pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 10/08/2013 at 8:13pm<b>SkyBlueCloud</b> - the 03/14/2013 at 7:08am<b>princesspooky</b> - the 01/02/2013 at 12:18pm<b>starbucksguy</b> - the 05/17/2012 at 1:46am<b>romi2212</b> - the 05/14/2012 at 11:53pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 05/12/2012 at 10:20am<b>rcbarnes</b> - the 12/06/2011 at 12:58am<b>agreatday</b> - the 10/28/2011 at 12:27am<b>Phoenix_Forever</b> - the 10/03/2011 at 11:15pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:24pm<b>Late_night83</b> - the 09/09/2011 at 11:56pm<b>Azucar2011</b> - the 08/29/2011 at 1:46am<b>venusmantrap</b> - the 08/10/2011 at 8:58am<b>xtraordinary</b> - the 08/07/2011 at 10:41pm<b>the_big_x</b> - the 06/21/2011 at 5:21am<b>CorinnaHEY</b> - the 06/11/2011 at 2:11pm<b>sugarnspicee</b> - the 05/28/2011 at 12:02am

matthewdb's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of matthewdb's badges

matthewdb's favorite FMLs

Today, the girl I was babysitting was being disrespectful to me, so I took away her stuffed animal and told her that she couldn't have it back until she apologized. She ended up sneaking onto my laptop and deleting all the pictures I'd saved from my recent vacation to Europe. FML

#15740418
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34737) - you deserved it (18535)

On 04/11/2011 at 1:23pm - kids - by Got_any_grapes1 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend does not stop by my apartment to give me a kiss between classes. He is actually stopping by between his classes to steal my condoms because he is too cheap to pay for them when he cheats on me. FML

#15740141
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61246) - you deserved it (5110)

On 04/11/2011 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Carmen - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I went to work at a chemotherapy clinic. After explaining to a patient about the risks and benefits of chemotherapy for his underlying metastatic lung cancer, he asks is it OK to smoke during chemotherapy. FML

#15739241
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29864) - you deserved it (3356)

On 04/11/2011 at 11:08am - work - by Shamdog48 - United States (New York)

Today, I wore a fake wedding ring on my left hand when buying a pregnancy test so the cashier at Walmart wouldn't think I'm a slut. FML

#15738282
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20609) - you deserved it (67886)

On 04/11/2011 at 9:16am - intimacy - by CheeseyPotatoes (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my phone wasn't working properly. After sending out 40 texts and getting no replies, I decided to test my phone by sending it a text from my old phone. The text came through straight away. Turns out my phone's working perfectly and 40 people are just ignoring me. FML

#15737058
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34064) - you deserved it (11019)

On 04/11/2011 at 5:39am - misc - by Ignored (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I woke up with a fever and a migraine. I work at an audiology clinic and my day consists of being shouted at down the phone by practically deaf people. FML

#15735853
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25784) - you deserved it (2777)

On 04/11/2011 at 2:23am - work - by owmyhead (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blow job from me. FML

#15733743
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39200) - you deserved it (8612)

On 04/11/2011 at 12:01am - intimacy - by blower - United States (Colorado)

Today, we had a tornado warning and I told my parents I loved them, just in case. My dad just said "see you in Kansas". FML

#15733028
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24955) - you deserved it (7509)

On 04/10/2011 at 11:26pm - misc - by anonymous -

Today, after three days of hospital camping with my very sick husband, he was finally out of danger when I left last night to get my first good night's sleep in almost 96 hours. He woke me at 5 a.m. with a phone call asking me to bring him comic books because he's bored. FML

#15721476
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24607) - you deserved it (10439)

On 04/10/2011 at 6:59am - health - by Frazzled (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

#15720918
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17537) - you deserved it (27097)

On 04/10/2011 at 4:55am - misc - by Ouch (woman) - Canada

Today, a stoned man tried to break into my house. Naked. FML

#15719480
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37420) - you deserved it (4128)

On 04/10/2011 at 2:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

#15718627
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19300) - you deserved it (65936)

On 04/10/2011 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML

#15718198
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49507) - you deserved it (4595)

On 04/10/2011 at 12:42am - love - by torny>horny - United States

Today, my dog was barking at a squirrel in the yard. I opened the door to let him chase the squirrel. I went to look at the dead squirrel and found out it was the neighbor's chihuahua. FML

#15714709
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21391) - you deserved it (36473)

On 04/09/2011 at 8:58pm - animals - by Sid (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was reading a blog post by a girl that I really like. In the post, it said, "I know I'm not beautiful." I told her that I thought it wasn't true at all. She responded by crying hysterically and asking me why I would say that. It turned out that it actually said, "I know I'm beautiful." FML

#15714143
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21228) - you deserved it (28566)

On 04/09/2011 at 8:24pm - love - by Arran (man) - United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: