About matthewdb : Still waiting for break away pants to make a come back.
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matthewdb's favorite FMLs
Today, I confronted my husband about him being unfaithful. He said his reasons were because he's just not attracted to me anymore and my current weight repulses him. I'm six months pregnant with his child. FML
by Pregnant / 04/14/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/14/2011 at 1:49am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my roommate told me there is some restricted number that keeps calling and waking her up at odd hours of the night. She then says she's getting the police involved to find out who it is because she feels "harassed". I'm the restricted caller calling to wake her up from snoring so loud. FML
by wowimscrewed / 04/14/2011 at 12:37am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I bumped into an old school friend. I'd heard she was pregnant so the first thing I did was congratulate her. Not only was she not pregnant, but the reason she managed to get so fat was because of comfort eating due to her miscarriage last month. FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2011 at 9:06pm / United Kingdom / Health
by FrOsTy25 / 04/13/2011 at 6:57pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I freaked out when the remote wouldn't unlock my car. I stood in the rain trying to open the door. Unsure of what to do next, I called my boyfriend. He told me to "put the key in the door". I had forgotten about that option. FML
by andimanastudent / 04/13/2011 at 5:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation
Today, my high school guidance counselor tried to convince me NOT to go to college, mainly because it's been so long since someone from my high school went to college, that she got rid of all the college information she used to have. FML
by CollegeBoy / 04/13/2011 at 9:07am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came out to my parents. They nodded empathetically throughout my entire speech and told me repeatedly that it was okay. As I smiled and stood up, my dad asked, "But you're still going to marry a guy, right?" FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2011 at 6:19am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching TV and started freaking out thinking I forgot to tell my boyfriend happy anniversary. I wrote him a text and after it sent, I realized the date is mine and my ex's anniversary date. FML
by Zebracat / 04/13/2011 at 2:15am / United States / Love
Today, while at an important meeting at work, I got to watch helplessly as a police officer gave me a parking meter ticket. Added to that my boss chewed me out for "never paying attention and staring out the window during meetings". FML
by Artic / 04/12/2011 at 12:00am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. My usually detached and unromantic boyfriend rushed right over after work with flowers and movies. A little while later, he admitted excitedly that he'd heard the numbing medication also works on gag reflexes and wanted to test the theory. FML
by Numb / 04/11/2011 at 3:27pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by shorty / 04/11/2011 at 1:36pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my… Today, I've found out that since beginning my new heavy workout regime, my testosterone levels have… Today, I discovered that my new college roommate not only makes casual conversation about his bowel…