About matthewdb : Still waiting for break away pants to make a come back.
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matthewdb's favorite FMLs
Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML
by Username / 04/16/2011 at 4:39am / United States / Love
by Xanadu / 04/16/2011 at 3:04am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by uncool / 04/16/2011 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Username / 04/16/2011 at 1:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML
by :| / 04/15/2011 at 10:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, after watching over my drunken mother all last night to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit, I came to the conclusion that at the age of 53, she's more of a party animal than I ever will be. I'm a 22 year old man. FML
by ForeverAlone / 04/15/2011 at 8:52pm / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Miscellaneous
by asdfjkl / 04/15/2011 at 3:51pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I woke up with my eye swollen half shut. To spare the embarrassment, I asked my mom if I could stay home from school. She said no, but also attempted to make me feel better by saying that with my eye, my acne was unnoticeable. FML
by madi / 04/15/2011 at 3:13pm / United States (California) / Health
by Tjop / 04/15/2011 at 7:50am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Love
by ZaraAce / 04/15/2011 at 7:38am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/15/2011 at 2:57am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the hairdressers getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML
by ugly / 04/15/2011 at 2:43am / Australia (Victoria) / Health
by fmyhabit / 04/15/2011 at 1:34am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2011 at 8:53pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by fail / 04/14/2011 at 6:27pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…