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matthewdb

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matthewdb
  • Town/Country : Aiken
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 26 August 1991 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 2580
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About matthewdb : Still waiting for break away pants to make a come back.

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matthewdb's favorite FMLs

Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML

#15804497
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31690) - you deserved it (4014)

On 04/16/2011 at 4:39am - love - by Username - United States

Today, I made a video for a school tour of my apartment in German. The walls in my apartment are thin, so you could hear my sister having phone sex in her room in the background. FML

#15804053
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30284) - you deserved it (4837)

On 04/16/2011 at 3:04am - intimacy - by Xanadu (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, the only person to wish me a "Happy birthday" was the cop who pulled me over, as he handed me my ticket. FML

#15803681
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32347) - you deserved it (4169)

On 04/16/2011 at 2:11am - misc - by uncool (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that potato chips are made from potatoes. I'm 26. FML

#15803109
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9561) - you deserved it (70892)

On 04/16/2011 at 1:14am - misc - by Username - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML

#15800511
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25441) - you deserved it (5430)

On 04/15/2011 at 10:04pm - work - by :| - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after watching over my drunken mother all last night to make sure she didn't choke on her own vomit, I came to the conclusion that at the age of 53, she's more of a party animal than I ever will be. I'm a 22 year old man. FML

#15799533
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22301) - you deserved it (3758)

On 04/15/2011 at 8:52pm - misc - by ForeverAlone (man) - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)

Today, my boss friend requested me on Facebook. My profile picture is of me licking his employee of the month picture for a dare. FML

#15796408
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9089) - you deserved it (43651)

On 04/15/2011 at 3:51pm - work - by asdfjkl (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I woke up with my eye swollen half shut. To spare the embarrassment, I asked my mom if I could stay home from school. She said no, but also attempted to make me feel better by saying that with my eye, my acne was unnoticeable. FML

#15796030
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26618) - you deserved it (2533)

On 04/15/2011 at 3:13pm - health - by madi - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 and half years broke up with me, just after I fixed-up her house that took me about 3 and a half years. FML

#15793143
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37654) - you deserved it (5182)

On 04/15/2011 at 7:50am - love - by Tjop (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, my husband of 30 years told me that he thought we should 'just be friends'. FML

#15793085
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57859) - you deserved it (4165)

On 04/15/2011 at 7:38am - love - by ZaraAce (woman) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I found my dead phone that had been missing for two weeks. I turned it on to see that I had only gotten 2 text messages during the two weeks. They were both from my mother. FML

#15792275
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29436) - you deserved it (5715)

On 04/15/2011 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was at the hairdressers getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML

#15792200
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34726) - you deserved it (2743)

On 04/15/2011 at 2:43am - misc - by ugly - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

#15791690
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17530) - you deserved it (40987)

On 04/15/2011 at 1:34am - intimacy - by fmyhabit - United States (Utah)

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

#15787937
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8206) - you deserved it (30315)

On 04/14/2011 at 8:53pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, to impress my friends, I attempted to do a back flip. The only one impressed was the doctor who set my broken leg. FML

#15786221
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8387) - you deserved it (32645)

On 04/14/2011 at 6:27pm - health - by fail (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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