About matthewdb : Still waiting for break away pants to make a come back.
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matthewdb's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/17/2011 at 11:12pm / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
by sdgsfvbkuhkj / 04/17/2011 at 7:18pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by dumped / 04/17/2011 at 5:12pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Love
by bumpyroad / 04/17/2011 at 10:29am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by ::Tracy:: / 04/17/2011 at 5:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
by wellhellothere / 04/17/2011 at 3:25am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by rastafarimon / 04/17/2011 at 1:56am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by TDCC / 04/16/2011 at 9:06pm / United States (Texas) / Money
Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year old boy, and an 19 month old girl. I was chasing them around the house having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change the 3 year old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML
by Anonymous / 04/16/2011 at 7:42pm / United States (Arkansas) / Kids
Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML
by overflowing / 04/16/2011 at 6:20pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by ColdHeat / 04/16/2011 at 3:18pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
by inalotofpain / 04/16/2011 at 8:46am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, after receiving the third call this week from teachers about my son falling asleep in class, I decided that it would be a good idea to hide his Xbox controllers. He decided it would be a good idea to hide my diabetes medication. FML
by bbedlock / 04/16/2011 at 8:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by Proprepourtant / 04/16/2011 at 7:28am / France / Intimacy
Today, my wife and I were planning our nursery for our future child. She said that we'd be painting it pink either way. I asked what would happen if we had a boy. She said "Oh, he'll be gay" with a menacing glare. I'm worried. FML
by Worried / 04/16/2011 at 6:59am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…