About matthewdb : Still waiting for break away pants to make a come back.
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matthewdb's favorite FMLs
by killercow / 04/19/2011 at 12:19pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was out walking, one homeless man sitting with two others asked me for something to eat. Trying to do a good deed, I bought the three men a bag of apples. They then fought viciously over them before the first man chased me for handing them to "the wrong one." FML
by oops / 04/19/2011 at 11:37am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by BerkeleyBiker / 04/19/2011 at 4:23am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my family and I discovered that my sleepwalking has escalated into sleep-raiding-the-fridge, after I woke up on my kitchen floor in a puddle of melted ice cream, surrounded by my parents, brother, and dogs. Apparently my recent dieting plans aren't going over too well with my subconscious. FML
by norestforthewicked / 04/19/2011 at 12:30am / Health
Today, I was putting red nail polish on my nails and put a newspaper on the table to make sure that it didn't spill. I later discovered the nail polish made the newspaper stick to the table. I scrubbed nail polish remover on it, thinking it would help but instead bleached the table. FML
by Anonymous / 04/18/2011 at 11:44pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to a strange sound that sounded like a lot of water being poured into a sink. It was actually my father in law using the bathtub as a toilet. He's staying with us, and is showing no signs of leaving any time soon. He thinks this is acceptable behavior. FML
by MyS3lf / 04/18/2011 at 10:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by samikai523 / 04/18/2011 at 4:25pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by nurseITHINKNOT / 04/18/2011 at 3:24pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work
by alissa_roar / 04/18/2011 at 1:54pm / United States / Love
by B / 04/18/2011 at 4:09am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Kids
Today, I got a call from a girl I was seeing. She said that she was falling for someone else, but she still liked me and couldn't decide what to do. Being the romantic (idiot) I am, I told her that she should do what would make her happiest, thinking that she would pick me. She didn't. FML
by HFCS / 04/18/2011 at 12:53am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I was cutting a little boy's hair at the hairdressers where I work. While cutting his bangs, I noticed his forehead was surprisingly warm. When I asked him if he felt OK, he threw up all over my gown. I think he had some broccoli today. FML
by stickyhair / 04/18/2011 at 12:46am / United States / Kids
- Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one… Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual… Today, because I’m on my period, I asked my boyfriend to turn around so I could change my clothes.…