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matthewdb

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matthewdb
  • Town/Country : Aiken
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 26 August 1991 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 2581
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About matthewdb : Still waiting for break away pants to make a come back.

matthewdb's last visitors

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matthewdb's favorite FMLs

Today, a coworker introduced herself to me and told me she hopes I enjoy my new job. We've worked in the same building for two years. I say hello every time I see her. FML

#15869233
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26756) - you deserved it (2503)

On 04/21/2011 at 1:27am - work - by Forgetable (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I fell asleep at a party. I farted so loud that I woke myself up. Everyone heard. FML

#15867292
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27224) - you deserved it (11233)

On 04/20/2011 at 11:24pm - misc - by embarassed (woman) - United States

Today, I logged on to Facebook and had 64 notifications. I thought that perhaps I was popular. But no, it was my ten year old sister, liking 64 of my pictures. FML

#15866810
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27500) - you deserved it (5760)

On 04/20/2011 at 10:57pm - misc - by GshDrnt (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a letter from my mother-in-law stating that demons made her spread rumors about me all over my hometown before my wedding. FML

#15866600
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28794) - you deserved it (1941)

On 04/20/2011 at 10:45pm - misc - by doomed (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML

#15865508
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34169) - you deserved it (3172)

On 04/20/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML

#15861693
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27406) - you deserved it (3650)

On 04/20/2011 at 4:52pm - misc - by sosadstudent (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I tried to get my wife to have sex with me, she told me she couldn't because she had her period. She's two months pregnant. FML

#15858919
362 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41440) - you deserved it (9837)

On 04/20/2011 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by Andrew - United States

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

#15858383
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28422) - you deserved it (4101)

On 04/20/2011 at 11:25am - work - by ShakeRattleHiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, I spent half an hour trying to convince an elderly customer that no, I wasn't a messenger sent by the devil to take her soul to hell. FML

#15857597
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30614) - you deserved it (2981)

On 04/20/2011 at 10:15am - work - by rawr -

Today, at work, I spent half an hour trying to convince an elderly customer that no, I wasn't a messenger sent by the devil to take her soul to hell. FML

#15857597
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30614) - you deserved it (2981)

On 04/20/2011 at 10:15am - work - by rawr -

Today, I went for a job interview. I was asked if I wanted a drink. I have no idea why, but I replied "a bottle of milk please." FML

#15855605
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18257) - you deserved it (28315)

On 04/20/2011 at 4:10am - work - by bham boy -

Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML

#15855335
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36610) - you deserved it (5184)

On 04/20/2011 at 3:27am - animals - by Anonymous - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML

#15853054
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26885) - you deserved it (9079)

On 04/19/2011 at 11:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my manager told me to throw out some of the old toys at the daycare we work at. I can't because I've seen Toy Story 3, and thinking about them in a dump makes me cry. I'm 28. FML

#15852392
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27793) - you deserved it (12489)

On 04/19/2011 at 10:29pm - work - by Stupid (woman) - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly like. I was so nervous that instead of saying, "Hi, I'm Veronica," I said, "Veronica, I'm high." FML

#15851636
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27454) - you deserved it (5995)

On 04/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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