About matthewdb : Still waiting for break away pants to make a come back.
matthewdb's FML badges
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
matthewdb's favorite FMLs
by Forgetable / 04/21/2011 at 1:27am / United States (Colorado) / Work
by embarassed / 04/20/2011 at 11:24pm / United States / Health
by GshDrnt / 04/20/2011 at 10:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by doomed / 04/20/2011 at 10:45pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML
by Anonymous / 04/20/2011 at 9:39pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by sosadstudent / 04/20/2011 at 4:52pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous
by Andrew / 04/20/2011 at 12:31pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML
by ShakeRattleHiss / 04/20/2011 at 11:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML
by Anonymous / 04/20/2011 at 3:27am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Animals
Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 11:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Stupid / 04/19/2011 at 10:29pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 9:38pm / United States / Miscellaneous