matthewdb

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matthewdb

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 26 August 1991 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4477
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About matthewdb : Still waiting for break away pants to make a come back.

matthewdb's page activity

Visits<b>kaz55</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 11:27pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 10/08/2013 at 8:13pm<b>SkyBlueCloud</b> - the 03/14/2013 at 7:08am<b>princesspooky</b> - the 01/02/2013 at 12:18pm<b>starbucksguy</b> - the 05/17/2012 at 1:46am<b>romi2212</b> - the 05/14/2012 at 11:53pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 05/12/2012 at 10:20am<b>rcbarnes</b> - the 12/06/2011 at 12:58am<b>agreatday</b> - the 10/28/2011 at 12:27am<b>Phoenix_Forever</b> - the 10/03/2011 at 11:15pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:24pm<b>Late_night83</b> - the 09/09/2011 at 11:56pm<b>Azucar2011</b> - the 08/29/2011 at 1:46am<b>venusmantrap</b> - the 08/10/2011 at 8:58am<b>xtraordinary</b> - the 08/07/2011 at 10:41pm<b>the_big_x</b> - the 06/21/2011 at 5:21am<b>CorinnaHEY</b> - the 06/11/2011 at 2:11pm<b>sugarnspicee</b> - the 05/28/2011 at 12:02am

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matthewdb's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to hunt Easter eggs before we have sex. I'm glad he has his priorities straight. FML

by Grrrr! / 04/23/2011 at 10:19am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my mother and girlfriend were joking around and talking about the embarrassing things I've done. After they'd had a lengthly conversation, my girlfriend mentions "And he always farts during sex." FML

by Sadman / 04/23/2011 at 4:37am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy

Today, I have a new boss. She claims to be a professional Angry Birds player. FML

by Username / 04/22/2011 at 10:42am / Work

Today, my mom confused me with my dad. She got in the shower with me. FML

by Damian / 04/22/2011 at 7:11am / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend told me she is only going out with me because I look like the person she really wants to go out with. FML

by AngryBirdman / 04/22/2011 at 1:53am / Love

Today, I watched a YouTube video at work because I was bored. I forgot I was on a conference call and my computer's desktop was shared with 15 other people. No one said anything till it ended. FML

by anonymous / 04/22/2011 at 1:20am / Work

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML

by HotACE / 04/22/2011 at 1:08am / Intimacy

Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2011 at 10:55pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Intimacy

Today, in order to avoid seeing my ex-girlfriend in class, I changed my schedule for "personal reasons." Apparently she had the same idea and changed her schedule as well. We now have all the same classes together. Before, we had just two. FML

by fatcat117 / 04/21/2011 at 9:53pm / United States (New Mexico) / Love

Today, at work, we've just hired a new load of people. As an icebreaker, we were paired up randomly and told to learn about our partner so that we can introduce them to the group. I got matched up with someone I've worked with for 4 months. Mid-conversation, I blurted out "I don't know your name." FML

by Clueless / 04/21/2011 at 7:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines have been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML

by Username / 04/21/2011 at 2:30pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I ran into a guy who I was completely in love with for months. After a couple of minutes, I realised he totally bores me senseless. What a waste of 4 months obsessing over that shithead. FML

by EmDa / 04/21/2011 at 10:44am / India / Love

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he was growing a mustache, as he had whiskers. He looked at me and said "No, but apparently you are." FML

by Username / 04/21/2011 at 9:55am / Love

Today, my boyfriend said to me, "You know how I know I love you? I don't want you to leave after we have sex." He thinks that's a compliment. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2011 at 9:47am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I noticed this guy crying in the park. I went up to him to see what was wrong. Apparently his girlfriend broke up with him, and he also said he wanted to kill himself. My first response was "Don't, you'll regret it later in life". FML

by alopez1994 / 04/21/2011 at 1:28am / Miscellaneous