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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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matt5217

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matt5217
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 485
  • Number of comments : 119
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 12 posted

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matt5217's favorite FMLs

Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML

#19064415 (175)

I agree, your life sucks (1182) - you deserved it (6800)

On 02/13/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by SpLo0gIeR - United States

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out the girl I've been fooling around with for two weeks has a boyfriend, who is in jail, and is a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. FML

#18833133 (77)

I agree, your life sucks (7879) - you deserved it (1700)

On 01/17/2012 at 6:57am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I dropped my 7-year-old son off at school. He decided to have fun and step out of my car screaming "Stranger danger" while running away and pointing at me. I then had to get out of my car to shut the door he'd left wide open. This caused 20 other kids to scream "Stranger danger" as well. FML

#18551732 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (21228) - you deserved it (1722)

On 12/19/2011 at 7:24am - kids - by dealingdave - United States (Missouri)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

#18467751 (207)

I agree, your life sucks (12114) - you deserved it (1215)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

#18465913 (15)

I agree, your life sucks (2775) - you deserved it (24247)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML

#18273262 (652)

I agree, your life sucks (31927) - you deserved it (7564)

On 11/17/2011 at 3:22pm - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dad came to confiscate my phone. I stuck it in between my boobs so he wouldn't be able to see it. He said, "Honey, your breasts aren't big enough to hide that." FML

#17935197 (243)

I agree, your life sucks (4260) - you deserved it (11094)

On 10/08/2011 at 1:03pm - misc - by G - United States (California)

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

#17767423 (43)

I agree, your life sucks (21565) - you deserved it (6059)

On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my wife and three daughters all have their period on seperate weeks. I now have no break from yelling. FML

#17761753 (247)

I agree, your life sucks (12692) - you deserved it (1539)

On 09/17/2011 at 12:39am - misc - by thedeerman (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

#17753266 (172)

I agree, your life sucks (26429) - you deserved it (15667)

On 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at my job serving, I went to clear the plates when the guy said, "Hold on a second." Thinking he wasn't quite finished, I went to put the plate back. He then reached in to his mouth, pulled out a dark brown object and threw it on the plate. It was a rotten tooth. I almost puked. FML

#17749628 (86)

I agree, your life sucks (21606) - you deserved it (1048)

On 09/15/2011 at 3:36am - work - by Tancred (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML

#17727595 (410)

I agree, your life sucks (26296) - you deserved it (3154)

On 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by IbetIgotAIDS (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

#17349963 (456)

I agree, your life sucks (16773) - you deserved it (994)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)

Today, our power went out due to some severe storms. My daughter, who is 18, asked me why the lights on the car still worked. FML

#17333376 (279)

I agree, your life sucks (11048) - you deserved it (2887)

On 08/01/2011 at 4:18pm - misc - by OhDeary (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

#17301663 (265)

I agree, your life sucks (10603) - you deserved it (1029)

On 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)