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mastercrammer

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mastercrammer

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 30 November 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 51349
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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mastercrammer's favorite FMLs

Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

#360907
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72967) - you deserved it (16934)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:18pm - intimacy - by hala (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my Christian boyfriend of six months broke up with me. I had told him when we started dating that I was an atheist, and he just now decided to look up what it is. He gave me a bible. FML

#320737
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69593) - you deserved it (16359)

On 03/14/2009 at 12:48pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I were choosing animals that reminded us of eachother. I said he reminded me of a tiger because he is really muscular. He told me I reminded him of a zebra. When I asked him why, he said it was because of my stretchmarks. FML

#304824
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77398) - you deserved it (7327)

On 03/13/2009 at 4:03pm - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

#284763
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63409) - you deserved it (21374)

On 03/12/2009 at 3:49pm - health - by mugs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML

#283028
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (266463) - you deserved it (48400)

On 03/12/2009 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by sucks - United States

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

#280083
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (142605) - you deserved it (15989)

On 03/12/2009 at 7:24am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

#278783
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52392) - you deserved it (98260)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was studying for a final when I noticed all I had was a blue highlighter. I decided to drive to the store to get a yellow one. On the way there, I got $200 worth of traffic tickets for not stopping at a stop sign. I basically spent $200 because I prefer yellow highlighters over blue. FML

#278452
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18877) - you deserved it (101074)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:09pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a man on the train asked me if i had any change. I quickly responded with "no habla engles". He then tapped me on the shoulder and said "That would've been a lot more believable if you weren't reading that paper." FML

#271640
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11710) - you deserved it (128459)

On 03/11/2009 at 2:05pm - money - by nthor (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

#257838
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56266) - you deserved it (3615)

On 03/10/2009 at 12:20am - love - by nononame (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was in my backyard scolding my cat. I yelled, "If you can't learn to use the bathroom correctly then I am going to leave your stupid butt out here in the snow until you figure it out!!" Later, my neighbor left me a nasty note about child abuse - she thought I was scolding my son. FML

#255521
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47914) - you deserved it (10906)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:16pm - kids - by flaggurl (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

#251133
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74904) - you deserved it (7913)

On 03/09/2009 at 1:04pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my brother had his fiancée over to meet the whole family. We were having a great time with her, and my mother gushed to her that she was like the daughter she never had. I'm her daughter. FML

#241077
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57949) - you deserved it (2514)

On 03/08/2009 at 9:34am - misc - by Noname - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I called to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said 'Mommy, I don't want to leave.' She wasn't talking to me. FML

#234756
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (137033) - you deserved it (9193)

On 03/07/2009 at 3:15pm - kids - by divorced (woman) - United States (Arkansas)



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