mastercrammer

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mastercrammer

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 30 November 1990 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 52627
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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mastercrammer's page activity

Visits<b>bradoiler</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 11:53pm<b>holymacabre</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 11:28pm<b>marzeg</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 12:25pm<b>silvermoon5033</b> - the 10/28/2015 at 3:18am<b>ImReallyBatman</b> - the 09/30/2015 at 12:02am<b>Hero2457</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 2:27pm<b>Triplehinge</b> - the 07/09/2015 at 1:07pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/03/2015 at 9:18pm<b>questionableee</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 7:08pm<b>StraightKing</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 6:31pm<b>Gleadr</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 2:15am<b>austin13125</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 5:24pm<b>slippy327</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 2:34pm<b>BeautifulChaos27</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 4:50pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 10:12am<b>sotopathe</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 5:19pm<b>pandasaresocute</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 3:37pm<b>enter______name</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 2:26pm

mastercrammer's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

mastercrammer's favorite FMLs

Today, I was out with my friend. My six year old daughter was also with us. While we were walking through the parking lot, my daughter asked me in a very loud voice "Mommy, does a blow job taste bad?" FML

by hala / 03/15/2009 at 10:18pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my Christian boyfriend of six months broke up with me. I had told him when we started dating that I was an atheist, and he just now decided to look up what it is. He gave me a bible. FML

by Noname / 03/14/2009 at 12:48pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were choosing animals that reminded us of eachother. I said he reminded me of a tiger because he is really muscular. He told me I reminded him of a zebra. When I asked him why, he said it was because of my stretchmarks. FML

by Noname / 03/13/2009 at 4:03pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

by mugs / 03/12/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML

by sucks / 03/12/2009 at 1:53pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 7:24am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Intimacy

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

by SpiderMan / 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I was studying for a final when I noticed all I had was a blue highlighter. I decided to drive to the store to get a yellow one. On the way there, I got $200 worth of traffic tickets for not stopping at a stop sign. I basically spent $200 because I prefer yellow highlighters over blue. FML

by Noname / 03/11/2009 at 8:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Money

Today, a man on the train asked me if i had any change. I quickly responded with "no habla engles". He then tapped me on the shoulder and said "That would've been a lot more believable if you weren't reading that paper." FML

by nthor / 03/11/2009 at 2:05pm / United States (New York) / Money

Today, I emailed the guy I like to ask him on a coffee date. He responded, declining by telling me he never drinks coffee. We met at Starbucks. FML

by nononame / 03/10/2009 at 12:20am / United States (Louisiana) / Love

Today, I was in my backyard scolding my cat. I yelled, "If you can't learn to use the bathroom correctly then I am going to leave your stupid butt out here in the snow until you figure it out!!" Later, my neighbor left me a nasty note about child abuse - she thought I was scolding my son. FML

by flaggurl / 03/09/2009 at 9:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

by Noname / 03/09/2009 at 1:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my brother had his fiancée over to meet the whole family. We were having a great time with her, and my mother gushed to her that she was like the daughter she never had. I'm her daughter. FML

by Noname / 03/08/2009 at 9:34am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was picking up my daughter from my ex-husband's house and his new girlfriend was there. I called to my daughter that it was time to leave and she clung to his girlfriend and said 'Mommy, I don't want to leave.' She wasn't talking to me. FML

by divorced / 03/07/2009 at 3:15pm / United States (Arkansas) / Kids