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Today, after a tiff with my boyfriend, I said to him, "You could at least PRETEND to love me sometimes." He responded with, "I do pretend to love you!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (41365) - you totally deserved it (16451)
On 03/28/2009 at 11:34pm - love - by Betsydoll (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was going through my old MSN conversations. I then realized that when I first got MSN, I didn't know that messages you sent after people went offline would be delivered to them when they signed in. I used to type 'I love you' to my crush after every time he went offline. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20324) - you totally deserved it (54955)
On 03/28/2009 at 6:13pm - love - by WeezysBaby (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (107248) - you totally deserved it (3443)
On 03/28/2009 at 4:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had 'something serious' to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was 2 hours long. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69117) - you totally deserved it (4492)
On 03/28/2009 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by linren (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my wife has been singing "I can't get no satisfaction" by the Rolling Stones, all morning. She started singing it right after we had sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61122) - you totally deserved it (15569)
On 03/28/2009 at 10:16am - intimacy - by dhouse (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend and she was grabbing the fat on my stomach I said to her "stop touching my fat". She replied "so don't touch you at all?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (38277) - you totally deserved it (15401)
On 03/28/2009 at 1:43am - misc - by justinherass (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70496) - you totally deserved it (5774)
On 03/27/2009 at 11:16pm - intimacy - by VampiresSayRawr (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was arrested because my 6 year old son called the police saying that I was hitting my wife and that she was crying. My wife and I were having making love. FML
I agree, your life sucks (74357) - you totally deserved it (5439)
On 03/25/2009 at 7:11pm - love - by david (man) - United States (California)
Today, I finally had my tongue piercing heal up so I decided to try oral on my girl. Unfortunately, she has a hood piercing that got caught on my tongue ring, and neither of us could get them apart. We had to call my mom in to solve the problem. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37564) - you totally deserved it (73961)
On 03/25/2009 at 5:04pm - intimacy - by Unicron (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went to the doctor to find out why I've been feeling so sick the past several weeks. Turns out, I'm severely allergic to the cat of my girlfriend of two years. I told her "It's me or the cat." She chose the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50409) - you totally deserved it (16770)
On 03/25/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by fmlsrsly (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML
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On 03/25/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by nomorebeard (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I took a quiz my math teacher gave us. He claimed it was "Impossible" for anyone to get a perfect score on it. I honestly didn't know any of the answers, and guessed on the whole thing. Apparently, I got them all right. He accused me of cheating and gave me a double zero. FML
I agree, your life sucks (109638) - you totally deserved it (6158)
On 03/25/2009 at 1:07am - misc - by Kim (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I bought body chocolate to use in bed with my boyfriend in the hopes of spicing things up. Everything was going great, until I tasted it. It was disgusting and actually made me gag a little. Later, my boyfriend checked the label and started laughing. It had expired 3 years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14037) - you totally deserved it (56970)
On 03/25/2009 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I found out that I'm failing this semester because I've missed too many classes. I've missed the classes because I've been having panic attacks, a symptom of my anxiety disorder. I got the anxiety disorder because I was so afraid of failing school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66719) - you totally deserved it (14727)
On 03/25/2009 at 12:12am - work - by disfordiploma (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML
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On 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm - work - by mrWrong (man) - United States (Virginia)
