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martini47

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martini47
  • Town/Country : Delmar, MD, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 2 December 1991 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 219
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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martini47's favorite FMLs

Today, after my roommate decided to become a vegetarian, her new food choices are making her pass deadly, nauseating gas all night. We have a busted window that won't open. I'm afraid I may not live to see tomorrow morning. FML

#18467127
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25371) - you deserved it (2062)

On 12/09/2011 at 7:23am - misc - by pinkleopleurodon - United States

Today, at some point, and for some reason I'll probably never fully understand, it seemed like a good idea to get completely shitfaced on tequila and try to shave my ballsack with a straight razor. I'm not sure if these wounds will ever heal. FML

#17334283
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10485) - you deserved it (62429)

On 08/01/2011 at 5:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I saw my picture in an architecture magazine. I'm not an architect. I was walking up a flight of "magnificently built" stairs as my skirt lifted to show an absence of underwear. FML

#17267205
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17162) - you deserved it (32634)

On 07/26/2011 at 12:22pm - misc - by crotchshothottie - United States

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

#17182524
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30717) - you deserved it (6744)

On 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML

#17115448
467 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52782) - you deserved it (9114)

On 07/15/2011 at 12:24am - animals - by flipnazn - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

#17080549
527 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17687) - you deserved it (48496)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy that I really like. When he gave me a hug goodbye, he slid his hand into the back pocket of my jeans. It was glorious until I farted on his hand. FML

#17080358
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36869) - you deserved it (21187)

On 07/12/2011 at 1:09pm - misc - by couldntholdit (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to school in my brand new shirt. It was loose fitting and a bit thin, so I wore a sweatshirt on top, intending to take it in once inside. When I got to my seat, I took off my sweatshirt, but also took off my shirt with it, flashing my whole class. FML

#13889988
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21378) - you deserved it (8309)

On 11/18/2010 at 6:12pm - misc - by Amanda Ross - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML

#12750103
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12212) - you deserved it (46424)

On 08/26/2010 at 1:33am - animals - by Aaron (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML

#12143188
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32499) - you deserved it (14724)

On 07/27/2010 at 10:43am - intimacy - by lonelyguy321 - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I sneezed with so much force while I was driving that I whacked my head on the steering wheel and honked the horn. FML

#7268268
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18024) - you deserved it (3010)

On 01/10/2010 at 10:37pm - misc - by Hayley (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

#2602287
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61392) - you deserved it (8829)

On 06/04/2009 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop. I recently enlisted in the Marines, and they were talking about what they would do with the money if I died. FML

#1656841
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (147231) - you deserved it (8458)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:22am - money - by Fitz (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

#1604682
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (247938) - you deserved it (14288)

On 05/03/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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