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50 quality responses
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Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15609) - you deserved it (3032)
On 09/21/2012 at 3:10pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15613) - you deserved it (8276)
On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7770) - you deserved it (14138) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 09/16/2012 at 6:50pm - animals - by romainmain - France (Champagne-Ardenne)
Today, I was at the mall with my friend, when an old lady walked up to us. She looked at my friend and said, "My dear, you're gorgeous! I bet all the boys want you!" She then shot me a brief look and walked off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18519) - you deserved it (1594)
On 07/11/2012 at 2:46pm - misc - by uglygurl (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21801) - you deserved it (2208)
On 07/10/2012 at 3:33pm - misc - by I_Has_A_Fishy - United States (Texas)
Today, I'm accused of vandalizing a cop car during a night of partying, and in so doing, violating my parole. While talking with my lawyer, who I spent all my savings on, I said he could hire better than his hideous secretary. Turns out she's his wife. I think I'm now more screwed than ever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4078) - you deserved it (39560)
On 07/09/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by jillie minaj (woman) - United States
Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4647) - you deserved it (26249) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, while looking through pictures of my boyfriend and me on Facebook, I noticed that in practically every single one featuring my best friend, his eyes are directed down her shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20007) - you deserved it (384)
On 07/07/2012 at 6:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I picked up my car from the repair shop, drove two miles, and ran out of gas. I then walked to get gas, put a gallon of gas in the car, and tried to start it. The battery was too weak to start the car, and died on the spot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17595) - you deserved it (1575)
On 07/05/2012 at 4:24pm - misc - by 303 - United States (Texas)
Today, I went out to get groceries and ice-cream. When I got home, I couldn't find my house keys. I retraced my steps, but with no luck, so I returned home and had to break in. While unpacking, I found my keys in the bag, right next to the completely melted ice cream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11440) - you deserved it (6132)
On 07/03/2012 at 3:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was in the shower, when I heard my daughter scream and shout, "Mommy, mommy! Help! Come quick!" I panicked and rushed downstairs without even looking for a towel to cover myself, all so I could find out she'd just gotten a piece of dirt on her shoe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16304) - you deserved it (1735)
On 07/02/2012 at 5:17pm - kids - by Sh*t (woman) - Venezuela (Distrito Federal)
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to throw pebbles at my bedroom window in the middle of the night. It triggered the burglar alarm, which woke up everyone in the house. If my parents didn't know I had a boyfriend before, they certainly do now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15484) - you deserved it (2754)
On 07/01/2012 at 4:01pm - love - by Jacqueline (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering my number into his phone, my name and a picture of me popped up. I'm afraid I just met my stalker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20156) - you deserved it (1997)
On 06/30/2012 at 4:09pm - love - by ohbiebjetaime (woman) - France
Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I've been in love with for three years. Her response was to well up, start crying, and ask me why I had to have chosen her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19338) - you deserved it (1663)
On 06/26/2012 at 1:18pm - love - by Oraashi (man) - United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent)
Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML
I agree, your life sucks (18961) - you deserved it (10856)
On 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)
Monday 17 June 2013
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