Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About maphineRAWRS : Hai i'm Josie :)
I live in Sydney, Australia and I have blonde hair and blue eyes.
Happiness is important to me. Things don't make me happy, I make myself happy and it doesn't matter what choice I make i'll make the most of what I choose.
I have a bad case of Wunderlust; (A strong desire to travel) which I will be fulfilling later on this year when I go to The UK/Europe then America/Canada.
I'm really friendly, you know that person that makes conversation and is always smiling? Yeah, thats me.
Exceptions include when i'm hungry and/or just woken up haha.
I'm the lead singer in a band with 4 of my best guy mates and I love it.
Anyway, thanks for stopping by.. keep smiling :) x
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML
Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML
Today, I drove 9 hours and took Monday off of work to surprise my Mom and Dad for Easter. They weren't home so I called to tell them the surprise, rather than wait. They didn't answer as they were on a flight to Denver to surprise me for Easter since "I couldn't get off work." FML
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
Tuesday 22 July 2014