About malkavian_mad : Nerd.
malkavian_mad's FML badges
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
malkavian_mad's favorite FMLs
by dragos_dgt / 09/02/2011 at 3:48am / Romania (Bucuresti) / Work
Today, the whole family came together to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday. My grandfather read a poem he'd written about how he had taken my grandmother's virginity 60 years ago. It went on for about 30 minutes. FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2011 at 4:40am / Austria / Intimacy
by quickfingers100 / 06/01/2011 at 12:05pm / United Kingdom / Work
Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 11:44am / Switzerland / Health
Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 8:34pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation
by notmydad. / 05/08/2010 at 6:07am / Philippines (Manila) / Intimacy
by ShowOff / 03/11/2010 at 3:13am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous
by uHazFailedTotall / 03/03/2010 at 4:18pm / Norway (Rogaland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was stopped by a cop while walking down the street. He was slowly trailing me before pulling along side of me and asking how my night was going. He then said, "You know I can't let you do this. Know those new jeans you bought? The sticker is still on the leg" and drove off. FML
by limecat / 10/06/2009 at 3:12am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went down to my accommodation office in fiery wrath, demanding that something be done about my three-days-cold shower. Looking dubious, they sent someone back with me. As soon as we got there he looked at me with deep pity and pulled the cord in the corner that activated the hot water. FML
by abrazama / 10/02/2009 at 10:20am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking through a heavy door at work, so I reached behind me to catch it so it wouldn't slam shut. Little did I know that my boss was walking through right after me. Instead of catching the door, I caught a handful of his crotch. FML
by bossgroper / 07/23/2009 at 4:23pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I was on the deck of a sailboat and I started feeling seasick. I bent over the edge to throw up. After I stood back up, the wind changed direction and the boon swung around, knocking me into the open ocean. FML
by Timmay / 06/05/2009 at 7:43pm / United States / Health
Today, my mom had my girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
by MrCanoe / 03/01/2009 at 4:58pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Love
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of…
- Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One… Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me… Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding…