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About malkavian_mad : Nerd.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, u disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
I startad going on and on about dogs and thara diffarant typas of braad, bahaviours, axpactancy, atc. Whan somaona askad ma how I know all this stuff, I maant to say, "I fucking lova animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I lova fucking animals". FML
Today, mah father was taking pictures of mah friend and me as we got ready for homecoming. After the pictures were taken, he offerd to show us. He scrolld one picture too far and endd up showing us a picture of his penis. mega FML
Taday I bought a live lobster to have fir dinner. When mah four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly fir finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML
Today , I Discovered I Have Epilepsy. 10 Years Ago , I Told Mother About Frequent Fits Of Vertigo , Deja Vu , Nausea , Flashes Of Memory And Strange Sounds , Smells , And Images , Coupled With An Other-worldly Feeling. I Thought They Were Holy Visions. So Did She. Real FML
Today... I confessd mah feelings to the guy I've had the biggest crush on. He spent the next ten minutes calling me delusional... said that I know nothing about him... an laughd that ( this isn't Twilight... 4 fuck's sake ). All he didhen I startd crying was pat me on the head an leave. FML
TODAY, I SPRAYED DOWN SOME ANTS IN MY HOUSE. IN THE SEA OF ANT CORPSE WAS A SINGLE LIVING ANT SEEMINGLY CRADLING A DEAD ONE IN ITS ARMS. I'M CONVINCED I JUST BECAME THE VILLAIN IN AN EPIC TRAGEDY. NOW I HAVE TO LIVE WITH MY ANT PROBLEM BECAUSE I CAN'T BEAR TO TEAR ANOTHER FAMILY APART. FML
Today , my family and I went to feed carrots to te giraffes at te zoo. After I finised my first cup of carrots , I turned back to get some more. Suddenly , I was jerked back and a cunk of my air was ripped out. Te giraffe mistook te orange barrette in my air fir a carrot. FML
Today, at karate, sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commentd on what the actors were doing!! I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015