malkavian_mad

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Offline (the 05/04/2016 at 10:29pm)

malkavian_mad

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 7 November 1989 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1110
  • Number of comments : 25
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About malkavian_mad : Nerd.

malkavian_mad's page activity

Visits<b>Dilexar</b> - the 06/29/2016 at 4:05pm<b>rlfender32</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 6:45am<b>_LarryTheCheetah</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 11:31am<b>davisjenny81</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 7:24pm<b>emmilol</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 2:26pm<b>nubbles10</b> - the 02/16/2014 at 3:04pm<b>cryssycakesx3</b> - the 02/16/2014 at 7:00am<b>steffi90</b> - the 11/10/2013 at 4:04am<b>Vanillanougat</b> - the 09/21/2013 at 8:47pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 09/18/2013 at 2:20am<b>DetroitDov</b> - the 09/15/2013 at 1:07am<b>purpleleaf</b> - the 06/30/2013 at 1:53am<b>Fortuneator</b> - the 04/26/2013 at 11:50am<b>LoveMeDontHateMe</b> - the 04/21/2013 at 12:56am<b>ohjoy15</b> - the 03/23/2013 at 11:57pm<b>Karla009</b> - the 03/15/2013 at 9:56pm<b>mitchk9696</b> - the 03/14/2013 at 11:12pm<b>musiclover71498</b> - the 03/14/2013 at 6:50pm

malkavian_mad's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of malkavian_mad's badges

malkavian_mad's favorite FMLs

Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML

by wtf / 05/16/2014 at 6:25pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

by Zekrome / 05/05/2014 at 3:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML

by ElephantLover / 12/11/2013 at 3:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my father was taking pictures of my friend and me as we got ready for homecoming. After the pictures were taken, he offered to show us. He scrolled one picture too far and ended up showing us a picture of his penis. FML

by Female_Lucifer / 10/20/2013 at 9:02am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML

by meganmagee / 09/16/2013 at 2:47pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I discovered I have epilepsy. 10 years ago, I told my mother about my frequent fits of vertigo, deja vu, nausea, flashes of memory and strange sounds, smells, and images, coupled with an other-worldly feeling. I thought they were holy visions. So did she. FML

by seizure_girl / 08/15/2013 at 9:32am / United States (South Dakota) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've had the biggest crush on. He spent the next ten minutes calling me delusional, said that I know nothing about him, and laughed that "this isn't Twilight, for fuck's sake". All he did when I started crying was pat me on the head and leave. FML

by names suck and so do I / 08/08/2013 at 8:54am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Love

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

by Blood on my hands / 08/07/2013 at 1:40am / United States / Animals

Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2013 at 4:19am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML

by Mayyouneverfindpleasureinavagina / 06/01/2013 at 12:31am / United States (California) / Health

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

by scared-straight / 05/27/2013 at 12:05am / United States / Animals

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

by more than I wanted to know / 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm / Italy (Emilia-Romagna) / Intimacy

Today, my stalker ex girlfriend turned up at my wedding, uninvited, wearing a wedding dress. FML

by tdrtnlz / 05/11/2013 at 2:25am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Love

Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML

by Anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 12:54pm / United States / Intimacy