Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

malazian

Search for a member

malazian

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 19 September 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1017
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

malazian's page activity

Visits<b>fuckmylife12349</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 9:41pm<b>desy00</b> - the 08/20/2013 at 2:34am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:42pm<b>blinksmilewink</b> - the 08/04/2011 at 6:06am<b>Iamnotmyself</b> - the 07/18/2011 at 1:14am<b>geeksaresexy</b> - the 07/17/2011 at 9:33am

malazian's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of malazian's badges

malazian's favorite FMLs

Today, my younger brother and I got into a fight over who the favorite child is. My mom overheard, came in the living room and said, "It's your little brother, now shut up." She was serious. FML

#17301122
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34974) - you deserved it (6558)

On 07/29/2011 at 7:36pm - kids - by Username - United States

Today, my dad taped a picture of me to the fridge with "Do not feed the she-beast" written on it. FML

#17250401
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32890) - you deserved it (8234)

On 07/25/2011 at 3:21am - health - by jgdgjyfg - United Kingdom (Rotherham)

Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML

#17233282
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52050) - you deserved it (6196)

On 07/23/2011 at 8:09pm - misc - by assante2010 - United States (Maine)

Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML

#17231826
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41691) - you deserved it (2833)

On 07/23/2011 at 5:27pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I was in a pool locker room, surrounded by semi-naked people. While changing into my clothes, I accidentally pushed a button on my phone, causing it to make the loud, unmistakable camera shutter sound effect. Everyone definitely heard it. FML

#17217334
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32172) - you deserved it (4765)

On 07/22/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by Roode (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML

#17206347
354 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41992) - you deserved it (10344)

On 07/21/2011 at 5:24pm - love - by toni405 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked out from my window just in time to see a man ripping my mailbox from the ground and sprinting away with it. FML

#17193667
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28036) - you deserved it (2212)

On 07/20/2011 at 6:17pm - misc - by cheddar (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML

#17190246
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37162) - you deserved it (10700)

On 07/20/2011 at 12:38pm - love - by John (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina looks like an old man in a hat. It's OK though, he said it was a nice hat. FML

#17187875
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39136) - you deserved it (5366)

On 07/20/2011 at 5:17am - intimacy - by growlr - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I saved a bird from being run over as it lay in the middle of the road. Thinking it had a broken wing or something, I started carrying it home, intending to take it to the vet later. It crapped in my hand and flew away. FML

#17177469
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27727) - you deserved it (8491)

On 07/19/2011 at 1:45pm - animals - by craphanded - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)

Today, I had a completely normal work day. Other than the fact that my boss dressed up like the lead singer from KISS and hit us with a foam sword at random. My boss is 49. FML

#17176050
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27561) - you deserved it (6088)

On 07/19/2011 at 11:19am - work - by Bill Harrison - United States

Today, I got a call from a creditor asking for a Sarah. I told them that I'm not Sarah, nor do I know one. They then asked if she was my wife. Annoyed, I said, "Alright, when did I get a wife? I don't even remember having a girlfriend." They sniggered and hung up. FML

#17175800
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25230) - you deserved it (6731)

On 07/19/2011 at 10:41am - misc - by Miriden - United States

Today, after being in love with one of my best friends for ages, he took me on a date. We then went back to his place and we made love. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to show me something and led me outside. He ran back in and locked the door. It's a two hour walk home. FML

#17174791
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52498) - you deserved it (6699)

On 07/19/2011 at 7:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, while I was showering, my brother thought it would be funny to burst through the door pretending he was a burglar. Panicked, I went to grab the soap bar as a weapon, slipped, fell and hit my head on the faucet. FML

#17173015
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29702) - you deserved it (4634)

On 07/19/2011 at 2:33am - health - by MAWZ (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, a group of girl-scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought 2 bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML

#17172932
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41082) - you deserved it (6290)

On 07/19/2011 at 2:24am - kids - by hatemylife - United States (New York)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: