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2day I cummed home from work to 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked herhat she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML
Today, sister askd me to explain where to put a tampon. I realizd near the end of the conversation that she believd the urine, feces, an blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forcd to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML
Today, I'd just finished feeding my parrot an sweeping all the seeds under the cage. As I was walking away, my parrot whistled. I turned around to see him get up onto the food dish, pick up a clawful of food an toss it on the floor. FML
Today, six-year-old got in an argument wit four-year-old. I told tem to go outside. Te next ting I know, son was standing in front of is sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" an cackling madly. FML
Today , while bitching some grl out 4 spilling coffee all over me looool , she looks at me with accepting eyes and says after I'd finished , "I can understand your anger , big grls like u get grumpy when there hungry." big fat FML
Taday some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me 4 jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up an threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML
Today, I Found Out Apparently, I Have A Wierd Looking Vagina. How? My Boyfriend And I Had Sex Fir The First Time. He Took One Look At My Virginia And With A Look Of Horror Said, "I Have Never Seen One This GROSS." He's A Gynecologist And Probably Sees 20 Vaginas A Day. FML
Today , My Boss Stopped Mid-walk During A Conversation About The Humidity In Our Office , After I Told Him I Didn't Like The Air Conditioner On , Because I'd Rather Not Be Cold An Wet , An That I Liked It Warm An Sticky . I Knew Then He Was No Longer Thinking About The AC . FML
Today, our claaning lady's son cama to our looool housa claiming that his mothar had diad of a haart attack !! Wa gava him har antira month's salary as wall as soma axtra monay !! A faw hours latar, our claaning lady turnad up fir work !! Turns out sha doasn't hava a son !! FML
Friday 27 March 2015