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malazian

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malazian

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 19 September 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 944
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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malazian's page activity

Visits<b>fuckmylife12349</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 9:41pm<b>desy00</b> - the 08/20/2013 at 2:34am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:42pm<b>blinksmilewink</b> - the 08/04/2011 at 6:06am<b>Iamnotmyself</b> - the 07/18/2011 at 1:14am<b>geeksaresexy</b> - the 07/17/2011 at 9:33am

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malazian's favorite FMLs

Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML

#18049596
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30068) - you deserved it (6797)

On 10/22/2011 at 10:06pm - kids - by me - United States (Maine)

Today, my dad came to confiscate my phone. I stuck it in between my boobs so he wouldn't be able to see it. He said, "Honey, your breasts aren't big enough to hide that." FML

#17935197
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14289) - you deserved it (39513)

On 10/08/2011 at 1:03pm - misc - by G - United States (California)

Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML

#17933094
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29383) - you deserved it (2440)

On 10/08/2011 at 2:48am - health - by ohgawd (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I'd just finished feeding my parrot and sweeping all the seeds under the cage. As I was walking away, my parrot whistled. I turned around to see him get up onto the food dish, pick up a clawful of food and toss it on the floor. FML

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32818) - you deserved it (9217)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that the ancient looking coin I dug up in my front yard is worth hundreds of dollars. Too bad I found that coin when I was eight years old, and have since misplaced it. FML

#17786535
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24786) - you deserved it (6083)

On 09/20/2011 at 6:07am - money - by Ugh - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized too late that a picture in my school Powerpoint presentation of thousands of New Zealand sheep, was actually a picture of thousands of naked men in a field. FML

#17709255
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15113) - you deserved it (31308)

On 09/10/2011 at 3:11am - misc - by FullOfNick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while bitching some girl out for spilling coffee all over me, she looks at me with accepting eyes and says after I'd finished, "I can understand your anger, big girls like you get grumpy when they're hungry." FML

#17606800
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12525) - you deserved it (42902)

On 08/28/2011 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me for jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up and threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML

#17572437
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8133) - you deserved it (22786)

On 08/24/2011 at 10:07pm - misc - by josie345 - United States

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

#17564993
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37306) - you deserved it (3277)

On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

#17536285
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58101) - you deserved it (7177)

On 08/21/2011 at 5:59am - intimacy - by Username - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boss stopped mid-walk during a conversation about the humidity in our office, after I told him I didn't like the air conditioner on, because I'd rather not be cold and wet, and that I liked it warm and sticky. I knew then he was no longer thinking about the AC. FML

#17498648
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11772) - you deserved it (32745)

On 08/17/2011 at 9:00am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML

#17493328
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36087) - you deserved it (2489)

On 08/16/2011 at 8:31pm - animals - by busybuzzybee - United States (California)

Today, our cleaning lady's son came to our house claiming that his mother had died of a heart attack. We gave him her entire month's salary as well as some extra money. A few hours later, our cleaning lady turned up for work. Turns out she doesn't have a son. FML

#17476916
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32839) - you deserved it (20058)

On 08/15/2011 at 1:45am - money - by duped (woman) - Pakistan (Punjab)

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

#17349963
376 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53236) - you deserved it (3274)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)



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