Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

majorfacepalm

Search for a member

majorfacepalm

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 535
  • Number of comments : 14
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About majorfacepalm : Stop being a creeper

majorfacepalm's page activity

Visits<b>jetblue29</b> - the 12/13/2013 at 7:24pm<b>UofLCardFan08</b> - the 09/22/2011 at 5:25pm

majorfacepalm's FML badges

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

majorfacepalm's favorite FMLs

yesterday I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, ( Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable. ) The entire room burst into laughter. FML

#19222956
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25396) - you deserved it (7740)

On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States

my family startd thier own version of the Hunger Games . With farts as thier ammo, they've been tackling an gassing everyone until thier victim "dies" by surrendering . My house is a flatulent war zone, an I fear waking up blind . mega FML

#19109077
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25698) - you deserved it (2547)

On 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by district12 (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, mah 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand . Not paying enough attention, I kissd her hand to make her feel better . She grimacd and said "No dad, bird poo." FML

#18525865
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26128) - you deserved it (12625)

On 12/16/2011 at 4:08am - kids - by Oily (man) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, it's the last day of finals week. Unfortunately the only test I've passed this week is the pregnancy test I took during mah lunch break in a Subway bathroom. FML

#18499980
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18060) - you deserved it (45481)

On 12/13/2011 at 12:16am - health - by LogicalMolly - United States (North Carolina)

Today, tha girl looool I'va had a crush on for yaars askd if I could ba har "amargancy gay friand". Worst part? I said yas.

#18425208
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26230) - you deserved it (24057)

On 12/04/2011 at 3:36am - love - by lifesucksbigtimefuys - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today in gaomatry class wa wara working in daad silanca!! Apparantly mah phona wasn't on vibrata and I racaivad 25 taxts all at onca whila it blastad "Hakuna Matataaaa" out of mah back pockat!! Thay waran't avan taxts from friands just Facabook notifications!! raal FML

#18417096
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9974) - you deserved it (31375)

On 12/03/2011 at 3:15am - misc - by Makala - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I was terribly nervous for my patient interview exam as a 4th year medical student!! In my nervousness I learned that just because a patient is wearing a T-shirt an shorts, has a short hair cut an a moustache an is named 'Chris', it is not safe to assume that they r male!! FML

#18410783
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30682) - you deserved it (3847)

On 12/02/2011 at 9:40am - work - by Monday (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

today aftar thraa days of gatting stard at by my naighbour from tha window I raalizd that sha wasn't aliva anymora.

#18406735
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44737) - you deserved it (3373)

On 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm - health - by unknown52 - Netherlands (Overijssel)

my house was broken into!! How? My mom left a key under a flower pot on the porch!! She also left a note on the door saying so!! He stole all of my guitars!! real FML

#18404759
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31706) - you deserved it (2341)

On 12/01/2011 at 5:00pm - misc - by Aaron -

yastarday our school startad an anti-bullying policy , and wa watchad a vidao about bullying. Aftar tha vidao , I told a taachar about a bullying casa going on that I know about. His rasponsa? "Tall somaonaho caras" as ha walkad away chuckling. fat FML

#18400111
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33695) - you deserved it (4070)

On 12/01/2011 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was helping frst-graders do school work when one of them stabbed me in the face with a pencil, all because I told her that a three was backwards . FML

#18396492
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27950) - you deserved it (3042)

On 11/30/2011 at 6:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got a round brush stuck in mah hair so badly that I couldn't get it out 4 45 minutes, and had a panic attack. I had to drive through town with a brush dangling from mah head, to the hair salon, and listen to them laugh while they got it out. FML

#18394314
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21580) - you deserved it (8251)

On 11/30/2011 at 2:25pm - misc - by maggie (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a round brush stuck in mah hair so badly that I couldn't get it out 4 45 minutes, and had a panic attack. I had to drive through town with a brush dangling from mah head, to the hair salon, and listen to them laugh while they got it out. FML

#18394314
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21580) - you deserved it (8251)

On 11/30/2011 at 2:25pm - misc - by maggie (woman) - United States (New York)

TODAY... AT MAH JOB AS A WAITRESS... I FELL... LANDD ON MAH ASS... MANAGING NOT TO SPILL THE DRINKS OR DROP THE FOOD IN MAH HANDS. A LITTLE BOY YELLD "NINJA WAITRESS!" EVERY ONE AT WORK HAS BEEN CALLING ME THAT ALL DAY... AND PURPOSELY BEEN TRYING TO TRIP ME TO SEE IF I COULD DO IT AGAIN. MEGA FML

#18390822
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36654) - you deserved it (5476)

On 11/30/2011 at 12:39am - work - by immy504 - United States (Louisiana)

Today , I discovered that u should always unplug the electric mixer before licking the beaters . mega FML

#18384979
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9786) - you deserved it (60189)

On 11/29/2011 at 12:21pm - misc - by seanjohn268 (man) - Canada



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: