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magic_kate's FML badges
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magic_kate's favorite FMLs
by _The__Doctor_ / 12/31/2012 at 5:44pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/30/2012 at 9:45pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, after having sex for the first time with my girlfriend, I realised I was in love with her. I noticed she had an eyelash on her breast. After tugging it a few times I realised it was actually a single black nipple hair. She was so embarrassed, she kicked me out and now won't return my calls. FML
by ohman / 12/27/2012 at 10:06pm / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy
by well, i am now / 12/27/2012 at 7:24pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
by valnaj1 / 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Intimacy
by Saradee / 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
by anonymaiacciu / 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm / France / Intimacy
Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML
by Anonymous / 12/17/2012 at 3:17am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
by Steve / 12/16/2012 at 1:25am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by ToughTitties / 12/14/2012 at 8:45am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Intimacy
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML
by Weasel123 / 10/26/2012 at 3:58am / United States (Oklahoma) / Health
Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML
by Agirl / 10/25/2012 at 7:44pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/25/2012 at 5:58am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Love
Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to convert to Christianity. Not because she has a strong relation with God, but because she wants to post Facebook statuses about Him and "get a lot of likes." FML
by Anonymous / 10/24/2012 at 7:06pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/24/2012 at 6:43pm / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
- Today, while on picket duty all day in the sun, I not only didn't get paid but I got sun poisoning.… Today, my coworker admitted he wanted to sleep with me at the company party. But then he told me it… Today, I'm moving from my house that I was renting with my roommates. They asked for Internet $ and…