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maemismile

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maemismile
  • Town/Country : Gotham City, Bitches
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 936
  • Number of comments : 25
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 35 posted

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maemismile's favorite FMLs

Today, while swimming in the ocean, I felt some sand under my wedding ring. I took it off for a second, and got hit by a huge wave. My ring is now lost somewhere in the ocean. FML

#20961838
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27545) - you deserved it (35909)

On 11/18/2013 at 4:14am - misc - by smiley1014 (man) - United States

Today, I was jogging on my farm when I discovered a cave. Unfortunately for me, I discovered said cave by tripping and falling into it where there was still a 10ft drop to the bottom. FML

Today, during school, I passed out in the lunch line and hit my head on the metal rail as I fell. Rather than helping or expressing concern at all, my friends simply left my unconscious body on the floor. Why? They had to get to the lasagna before the cafeteria ran out of it. FML

Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML

#20958646
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38326) - you deserved it (2362)

On 11/15/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by mummer11 (woman) - Ireland

Today, I decided to make what I thought was a pretzel recipe. I ended up eating cooked, egg-coated play dough. Literally, homemade Play-Doh. FML

Today, one of the special needs teens I work with confessed his love for me. It was cute until he put his erection on my leg and attempted to hump me. FML

Today, I tried to put the little girl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her down when she made a mad dash for the basement stairs, slipped on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stairs. FML

#20956092
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52741) - you deserved it (3089)

On 11/13/2013 at 6:08am - kids - by little_star78 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

#20955991
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42875) - you deserved it (11197)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by CanWeAllGetOne - United States (Texas)

Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML

Today, the day before I'm supposed to leave for a long-anticipated trip to Europe, my mother admitted that she's never paid for it. She only told me she did so I would stop hinting that I wanted to go. I gave up Christmas for this trip. FML

Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML

#20954288
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32689) - you deserved it (3364)

On 11/11/2013 at 6:58pm - misc - by queenxalee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML

#20951236
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40144) - you deserved it (3057)

On 11/09/2013 at 9:15am - work - by fmylyfe (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML

#20950523
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44566) - you deserved it (2947)

On 11/08/2013 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by JN5SLK (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML

#20950354
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38211) - you deserved it (16134)

On 11/08/2013 at 3:02pm - intimacy - by notsogood - United States

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

#20950083
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (0) - you deserved it (0)

On 11/08/2013 at 9:00am - intimacy - by xomelodygervais (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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