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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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machete

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machete
  • Town/Country : Poland
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1029
  • Number of comments : 66
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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machete's favorite FMLs

Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML

#9110965 (245)

I agree, your life sucks (30843) - you deserved it (6133)

On 03/15/2010 at 7:22pm - love - by Satan (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home to hear my girlfriend break up with me, over the answering machine, with my entire family in the room. FML

#9095527 (87)

I agree, your life sucks (21817) - you deserved it (1320)

On 03/15/2010 at 2:19am - love - by kukadaman - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend offered to give me a piggyback ride from the house to the car as means of avoiding walking in mud. Both aware of how tall he is, he crouched extra low and I jumped extra hard. This makes for a terrible example of leapfrog, and a faceplant in the mud. FML

#9087167 (222)

I agree, your life sucks (12766) - you deserved it (5911)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my Dad told me that I was named after the dog he accidentally shot in the head as a teenager. FML

#9081770 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (20225) - you deserved it (1279)

On 03/14/2010 at 7:23pm - animals - by OhhhNooo (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend for taking me for granted and being such a jerk. He didn't even show up for our date. FML

#8965394 (177)

I agree, your life sucks (20613) - you deserved it (3208)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:00am - love - by Maddy (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, at the eye doctor, they asked for my birth date for the files. My dad answered quickly, "May 28, 1994." It was embarrassing to have to correct him with "April 19, 1993." Who's May 28? Way to go dad. FML

#8905388 (226)

I agree, your life sucks (16925) - you deserved it (1260)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:12pm - misc - by leenibeani4 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML

#8742333 (298)

I agree, your life sucks (6540) - you deserved it (25415)

On 03/01/2010 at 4:13am - animals - by ItHurtsLIkeHell (man) - Malaysia (Pulau Pinang)

Today, my step-mom yelled at me for an hour, calling me a slut because our male dog saw me naked. FML

#8519480 (475)

I agree, your life sucks (32119) - you deserved it (1944)

On 02/21/2010 at 2:50pm - animals - by ughno - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog barked for 30 minutes with me yelling for him to shut up. Guess that's how long it takes someone to steal the rims from my truck. Good dog. FML

#8471153 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (4290) - you deserved it (23508)

On 02/20/2010 at 5:36am - animals - by rimjob - United States

Today, I read my mom's Facebook status. It said, "So sick of kids, can't wait for Vegas this week!" My dad, along with 12 others, liked it. I didn't even know she was going to Vegas. FML

#8129133 (95)

I agree, your life sucks (17663) - you deserved it (2982)

On 02/11/2010 at 12:09pm - kids - by kbeavv - United States (Maryland)

Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML

#7782568 (206)

I agree, your life sucks (26828) - you deserved it (6689)

On 02/01/2010 at 3:56pm - love - by kaitlynn - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of my dad constantly hitting on her. Not because she was disgusted, but because she wants to date him. FML

#7584651 (176)

I agree, your life sucks (39362) - you deserved it (1666)

On 01/26/2010 at 2:35am - love - by Junior (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

#7493708 (72)

I agree, your life sucks (19075) - you deserved it (3698)

On 01/22/2010 at 3:11am - kids - by jazz - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had a wrestling match. Someone put Viagra in my waterbottle. FML

#7490616 (196)

I agree, your life sucks (36714) - you deserved it (2838)

On 01/22/2010 at 12:06am - misc - by wrestler133 - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, all because whenever I laugh I say "lol." FML

#7483362 (298)

I agree, your life sucks (6209) - you deserved it (65928)

On 01/21/2010 at 8:18pm - love - by heartbroken (man) - Canada (Ontario)