machete

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machete

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2572
  • Number of comments : 66
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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machete's page activity

Visits<b>Xx_Slayer_xX</b> - the 07/10/2016 at 6:45pm<b>stevethellama</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 12:11am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 8:39pm<b>mba2804</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 2:53pm<b>endurancefan212</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 3:47pm<b>georgiaswish</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 3:10pm<b>staaacey</b> - the 12/22/2013 at 10:52pm<b>CatcherQueen</b> - the 06/20/2013 at 10:32am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:55pm<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 12:54pm<b>iheartjustinsane</b> - the 04/03/2010 at 10:55pm<b>Fuzzy_Mama_Llama</b> - the 12/05/2009 at 4:00pm<b>ch2358</b> - the 11/02/2009 at 4:27pm<b>moonlight_daze</b> - the 10/12/2009 at 5:18am<b>Spatch_</b> - the 09/24/2009 at 4:37am<b>prplr</b> - the 09/13/2009 at 2:10pm<b>Nathaly_West</b> - the 09/12/2009 at 6:34am<b>kayla_f_babyyy</b> - the 09/08/2009 at 2:47pm

machete's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

machete's favorite FMLs

Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML

by Satan / 03/15/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I came home to hear my girlfriend break up with me, over the answering machine, with my entire family in the room. FML

by kukadaman / 03/15/2010 at 2:19am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my boyfriend offered to give me a piggyback ride from the house to the car as means of avoiding walking in mud. Both aware of how tall he is, he crouched extra low and I jumped extra hard. This makes for a terrible example of leapfrog, and a faceplant in the mud. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:17pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my Dad told me that I was named after the dog he accidentally shot in the head as a teenager. FML

by OhhhNooo / 03/14/2010 at 7:23pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend for taking me for granted and being such a jerk. He didn't even show up for our date. FML

by Maddy / 03/10/2010 at 3:00am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, at the eye doctor, they asked for my birth date for the files. My dad answered quickly, "May 28, 1994." It was embarrassing to have to correct him with "April 19, 1993." Who's May 28? Way to go dad. FML

by leenibeani4 / 03/07/2010 at 10:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML

by ItHurtsLIkeHell / 03/01/2010 at 4:13am / Malaysia (Pulau Pinang) / Animals

Today, my step-mom yelled at me for an hour, calling me a slut because our male dog saw me naked. FML

Today, my dog barked for 30 minutes with me yelling for him to shut up. Guess that's how long it takes someone to steal the rims from my truck. Good dog. FML

by rimjob / 02/20/2010 at 5:36am / United States / Transportation

Today, I read my mom's Facebook status. It said, "So sick of kids, can't wait for Vegas this week!" My dad, along with 12 others, liked it. I didn't even know she was going to Vegas. FML

by kbeavv / 02/11/2010 at 12:09pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML

by kaitlynn / 02/01/2010 at 3:56pm / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of my dad constantly hitting on her. Not because she was disgusted, but because she wants to date him. FML

by Junior / 01/26/2010 at 2:35am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

by jazz / 01/22/2010 at 3:11am / Kids

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, all because whenever I laugh I say "lol." FML

by heartbroken / 01/21/2010 at 8:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML

by hardtotell / 01/21/2010 at 7:45pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous