lzmo

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Offline (the 05/23/2016 at 7:22am)

lzmo

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5578
  • Number of comments : 74
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About lzmo : Insert text..

lzmo's page activity

Visits<b>Urpoppy</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 8:43am<b>Envy22</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 10:26pm<b>Mendez07</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 1:16am<b>buckstop1</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 5:36pm<b>facelick</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 2:01pm<b>monkey8970920</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 2:44pm<b>DoomSkuller</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 1:24am<b>Cortezthe1st</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 5:30pm<b>ilysmfae</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 1:25am<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 12:26pm<b>Phishbonez</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 4:23am<b>S232Flash</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 1:00pm<b>Jellybellybeanz</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 8:48pm<b>Theater_Chef_3</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 5:53am<b>xxBFMVAAMIWxx</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 10:13am<b>csjc</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 10:48pm<b>theomgwoman</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 8:57pm<b>RedPillSucks</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 8:09pm

Fucked!<b>Urpoppy</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 2:44pm

lzmo's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of lzmo's badges

lzmo's favorite FMLs

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

by useless pos / 02/28/2013 at 7:48pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, during a sleepover at my friend's house, I woke up in the middle of the night with a dire need to pee. As I walked in the dark to the bathroom, I saw a silhouette in a doorway and instictively screamed. Turns out it was my friend's sister's One Direction cutout. FML

by Neversleepingthereagain / 02/28/2013 at 2:00pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML

by Puppylove / 02/26/2013 at 1:09pm / United Kingdom / Animals

Today, my boyfriend of three years told me he was thinking about us taking a break. After an hour of crying and him saying it would be okay, I accepted it. When I asked when the break would start, he replied, "What are you talking about? I only said I'd thought about it" and then laughed. FML

by Gullible / 02/25/2013 at 1:10am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, the guy who confessed his love for me also confessed that in his rage, he almost shot the last girl who broke his heart. FML

Today, I went back home after seeing the doctor, I told my boyfriend my new medicine might cause some mood swings. He immediately grabbed his phone and pretended to take a call, then rushed out. FML

by NewDrugs / 02/21/2013 at 8:21pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML

by Laila / 02/20/2013 at 7:01am / United States / Kids

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2013 at 1:19am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 2:09am / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 12:56am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I moved in with my new dorm mate. I'm prone to very frequent panic attacks that can only be alleviated by cold air. My roommate is severely anemic, and has violent shivering fits when the temperature is below 80. No matter what, one of us is always shaking uncontrollably. FML

by Chuffberry / 02/16/2013 at 3:47am / United States (Colorado) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage. Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis. She won't stop asking about the "hotdog" in the picture. FML

by Scarlett / 02/16/2013 at 1:03am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage. Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis. She won't stop asking about the "hotdog" in the picture. FML

by Scarlett / 02/16/2013 at 1:03am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, the attractive guy I barely speak to in my statistics class gave me a rose for Valentine's Day because he remembered they were my favorite. My husband got me a roll of quarters and told me to go buy myself "something pretty." FML

by RosesAreRed / 02/15/2013 at 1:07am / United States (Missouri) / Love