Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick :
Categories :
Man or woman?

lzmo

Search for a member

lzmo
  • Town/Country : Norway
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Monday 31 January 2000 (13 years)
  • Number of visits : 182
  • Number of comments : 24
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About lzmo : Msg me anytime :)

lzmo's last visitors

Covenant74michaelm1290SierraaaNicoleeedancinwookieNsswimmermeejuNicole1225KeannaLovejeep575ThatOtherMegan

lzmo's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of lzmo's badges

lzmo's favorite FMLs

Today, when I was ordering pizza, I got a text from my mom saying "I love you". When the man thanked me I accidentally said, "I love you too." FML

#19719938
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18083) - you deserved it (3503)

On 06/02/2012 at 8:47am - misc - by lol112 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I almost got kidnapped. Again. FML

#19707961
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25494) - you deserved it (3678)

On 05/31/2012 at 1:28am - misc - by gonavybeatarmy - United States (California)

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18952) - you deserved it (1947)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, I attended a formal banquet. The host was delivering a speech, when I felt the urge to pee, so I tried to quietly excuse myself. My chair screeched over the floor as I got up, I tripped over my own feet, and I accidentally took the door leading outdoors, where I ended up peeing in shame. FML

#19613905
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16030) - you deserved it (3062)

On 05/12/2012 at 10:21pm - misc - by Andy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a chest x-ray. I thought everything was okay, that is until the tech gasped slightly and muttered, "Mother of God." I asked him what was wrong, and he kept insisting he had no idea what I was talking about. Now I'm so upset I can't even sleep. FML

#19564735
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23589) - you deserved it (1452)

On 05/02/2012 at 6:41pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, after years of secretly faking my orgasms, my husband gave me my first real one. Afterward was also the first time he ever accused me of faking it because, "It was different from all the other times." FML

#19423040
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9915) - you deserved it (27631)

On 04/07/2012 at 11:27am - intimacy - by anonomous - United States

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

#19406343
339 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5760) - you deserved it (24893)

On 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by woohoo420 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

#19387601
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12776) - you deserved it (21327)

On 04/01/2012 at 10:03am - love - by Jeff make - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML

#19337633
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9233) - you deserved it (21241)

On 03/24/2012 at 8:14am - intimacy - by SG - United States

Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML

#18697253
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21868) - you deserved it (5906)

On 01/03/2012 at 2:44pm - animals - by vanessa560 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML

#18664843
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27525) - you deserved it (1810)

On 12/31/2011 at 3:37pm - misc - by yourebeautiful - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's thinking I had a UTI. Turns out I have an STD. FML

#18526714
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15949) - you deserved it (25235)

On 12/16/2011 at 9:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was set up on a blind date. When I arrived, the person waiting for me was a woman. It appears that my friends have always thought I was a lesbian, and that they 'played along' when I talked about guys. FML

#18466440
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26408) - you deserved it (2402)

On 12/09/2011 at 2:56am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML

#18234448
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34371) - you deserved it (5453)

On 11/13/2011 at 1:53am - kids - by weswithaute - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML

#18128656
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40007) - you deserved it (3998)

On 11/01/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)



Allison Myres Perry & Jim Perry 's illustrated FML

Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • FML’s Roommates from hell
  • If we could, we’d probably all live on our own. Exotic dancers would do our cleaning and housework; bartenders would serve us glamorous cocktails with mini paper umbrellas in them every hour on the dot. We would…

Monday 20 May 2013

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: