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lzmo's favorite FMLs
by CaraMaria / 11/24/2015 at 4:02am / United States / Miscellaneous
by sydcaller618 / 11/23/2015 at 10:23pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
by noxiffic / 10/31/2014 at 8:31am / Norway (Rogaland) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend told my four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took my sister shopping with me. The woman at the till said she was adorable; my sister replied, "Thanks, fatass." FML
by Anonymous / 10/31/2014 at 6:55am / United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 9:23pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was at a football game with my boyfriend. I said my hands were getting cold, hoping he'd hold them. He replied, "Uh, they make pockets for a reason..." and physically showed me how to put my hands in my pockets. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 10:53am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by MainePains / 10/10/2014 at 7:27pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
by epic174 / 10/07/2014 at 6:15pm / United States / Holidays
Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML
by mykodu / 10/02/2014 at 4:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused: "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2014 at 4:47pm / United States (California) / Work
by no / 09/10/2014 at 9:47pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2014 at 11:14am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML
by up to no-good... / 08/22/2014 at 12:09am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boss threw out the report I wrote for the board of directors. He said that if it were legal, he'd smash me in the balls with a brick for using Comic Sans. I had to do the whole thing again in another font with my coworkers snickering at me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/15/2014 at 5:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML
by I already have one, thanks / 08/09/2014 at 1:59am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was at my boyfriends house and we were having sex. He has a game on in the background and… Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of… Today, my new boyfriend and I really wanted to have sex, but he went soft as soon as he entered me.…