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Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opend the car door for her, and out of habit, pushd down on her head as she got in. real FML
today I went to the store to buy some new shrts. I tried them on and none of them fit. When I walked out to return the shrts, everybody was staring at me. I looked down to see why. I'd forgotten to put original shrt back on. FML
Today , I was taking a walkhen I noticed an elderly man on the ground , unmoving. Being a registered nurse , I tried to give him CPR. As mah lips touched his , he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of mah throat. I swallowed. FML
TODAY, I WENT TO DINNER WITH AN AMAZING GUY. AT THE END HE SAID HE HAD TO GO TO THE WASHROOM. 15 MIN LATER HE WAS STILL MIA, SO I FIGURED HE'D DITCHED ME WITH THE BILL. I PAID AND LEFT. 10 MIN LATER HE TEXTED ME, ASKINGHERE I WAS. TURNS OUT HE HADN'T DITCHED ME. HE WAS HAVING "STOMACH ISSUES." FML
Today I searchd our neighborhood for our lost dog . After screaming at the top of our lungs driving around looool in crcles and asking strangers we realizd we took him to the groomers this morning . FML
Today, I returned home to parents house, drunk!! Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls!! Five hours later, mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen!! In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015