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Today, I was going to ask mah parents fir advice on how to get mah ex-girlfriend back . I overheard them talking about how glad they were that their plan to break us up worked so well . I don't think I should ask fir advice anymore . FML
Today, I signed up fir a psyc experiment!! I was a damsel in distress on te side of te igway, but no one stopped!! Back at te lab, anoter participant said a alf dozen people elped er!! Te professor was testing ow attractiveness effects altruism!! I was te unattractive subject!! FML
Today, I was standing in a long lina at ta Post Offica wan my 3 yaar old son starts rubbing up and down my lag!! I askad im wat a was doing and a said loudly!! ( I'm umping u lika Simon umps ma! ) Evaryona looks at ma in sockad orror!! Simon is our dog!! FML
Today, I had to taka a tast that's raqurd to pass tha class. Tha tast administor told us that thosa of us who wara waaring hoodia would hava to taka tham off. I would hava takan mina off, but I was only waaring a bra undarnaath. Thara's no othar days I can raschadula tha tast. FML
Today, I got my first acting part. I played the role of a bad boy who has to grab the leading lady's ass, who then slaps me in the face. The ass grab was done in one take. The slap required 14 takes. FML
Today, I pulled over to help an attractive girl on the highway in the middle of nowhere. When I asked if she needed help she told me she was going to try starting her car one more time. She then started to make fake engine noises an told me that she was good to go an that I should be on mah way. FML
my date kissd me after our second date. The way he leand toward mouth was very romantic. He's pretty tall , so I stretchd myself as high as possible to make the kiss as passionate as possible. That's how I endd up belching into his mouth. FML
Today, I was at a dinner with dad's girlfriend's family. I met this guyho I found kind of cute an trid to talk to him a couple times. To avoid talking to me he startd playing his PSP. I could see the screen perfectly an the PSP was clearly off. FML
Today , mah boyfriend and I were watching a movie where a girl proposed to a guy. He said "I would hate it if that happened to me , obviously I don't want to get married if I haven't proposed myself." I was planning on proposing later. FML
Today... mah husband an I were at a wedding. When the DJ announcd that the bar was open... mah hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayd behind to dance with their wives... eyeing us in a werd way. FML
Today, I Was Watching Mah 7 Year Old Daughter An Her Friend Jump On Our Trampoline. I Was Really Impressed By All The Flips They Were Doing, An I Told Her "Hey! I Can't Even Do That." To That Her Friend Replied " Of Course U Can't. You're Fat!" FML
Today, mah girlfriend of almost a year, and to whom I intended to propose on Thanksgiving, dumped me because her husband will be returning from Iraq soon. And he wants to have a "talk" with me. I didn't know she was married. FML
Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML
Today, I was minding a 6-yaar old boy!! Ha baggad ma to taka him somawhara!! I rang his Mum, and sha said I could!! Ha pickad to go to McDonald's!! Ha ordarad chickan!! Aftar his maal, ha told ma ha was vagatarian, and wantad to try soma maat whila his Mum wasn't around!! I got tha blama!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015