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Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52091) - you deserved it (5017)
On 08/25/2009 at 1:09pm - love - by Jeff (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, when I opened the door to my room at night, I saw this big menacing thing staring right at me. I gasped and my heart started racing. I apprehensively turned on the lights, and I realized that it was the semi-deflated Spongebob balloon that has been in my room for weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5335) - you deserved it (24032)
On 08/23/2009 at 2:19am - misc - by Scared - United States (Washington)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. When I asked her why she did, she said that the psychic that she was texting (one of those 44644 numbers) said we have a 2% compatibility rating. How does that explain 4 years of happy dating? FML
I agree, your life sucks (43605) - you deserved it (3013)
On 08/20/2009 at 1:50pm - love - by ihatemylife (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I farted while I was in line at the bank. I tried to pretend it wasn't me by looking at the man behind me and turning back with a disgusted look on my face. I thought I had gotten away with it when the man yells "It wasn't me, this bitch did it". FML
I agree, your life sucks (6110) - you deserved it (72751)
On 08/19/2009 at 7:39am - misc - by moutz (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I threw a party while my parents were gone. I forgot that our alarm automatically turns on at 11 pm, so when people opened the door, it went off. I couldn't find the number for the alarm company, so the cops showed up. Everyone started cheering because they thought they were strippers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8892) - you deserved it (37697)
On 08/19/2009 at 1:13am - misc - by Life of the party - Sent from mobile version
Today, I finally worked up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back the reply, "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Not only can she not spell, when I looked it up, "error 3265" doesn't even exist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62215) - you deserved it (6212)
On 08/17/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by ZSL (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I invited everyone to a gig I'm playing at a bar. They closed it down just for me when I told them how many people were attending, and I spent all day setting it up. Turns out nobody showed up besides my mom, my dad, and 2 of my cousins. I still had to play 7 songs in front of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37246) - you deserved it (4864)
On 08/15/2009 at 11:02am - misc - by playinmyguitar (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52605) - you deserved it (5719)
On 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm - kids - by ohgod (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30727) - you deserved it (71451)
On 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm - kids - by bubbalicious (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I rented a car that has a smart key. The proximity of the key determines if the doors will unlock. I went to a meeting and returned to the car with the trunk popped open and all my luggage gone. The rental company decided to store a spare key in the glovebox for safe keeping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35060) - you deserved it (1962)
On 08/13/2009 at 2:42am - work - by NoKeyNoCar - United States (California)
Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year old boy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45744) - you deserved it (6354)
On 08/12/2009 at 4:13pm - misc - by auslander (man) - Switzerland (Zurich)
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15304) - you deserved it (27778)
On 08/12/2009 at 3:02pm - misc - by signupsheetfail (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was late for a medical school seminar and test. An SUV flipped over on the highway right in front of me. I held pressure to gushing, lacerated artery until EMS arrived. He lived, but I might have to repeat the whole year because I missed a big test. The test? Emergency response medicine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54630) - you deserved it (2119)
On 08/11/2009 at 8:58pm - work - by doctorchick (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy-friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had it off, and I congratulated him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42571) - you deserved it (6249)
On 08/11/2009 at 4:13pm - love - by denied (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy-friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had it off, and I congratulated him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42571) - you deserved it (6249)
On 08/11/2009 at 4:13pm - love - by denied (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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