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Today, I got on an elevator wit a woman and er cild. I was te first one on. Wen se stepped on, te capacity alarm went off. As se left se told er daugter tat's y fat people souldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. Se was twice ma size. I got called fat by a ippopotamus. FML
Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated an exhausted, I asked everyone to turn there phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit an spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technologyhores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML
Today, my parents, wo are out of town but driving back tomorrow, calld to see ow I was doing. Tey askd if I'd trown a party in teir absence, and I said no. My dad replid, ( Well I'm currently looking at picture on Facebook of our kitcen wit beer and a bong on te table. ) FML
Today, looool I went to get a sports pysical at a ospital. My nurse was morbidly obese an unattractive. Se told me se would go troug te tests listd on te seet. Se did everyting, including feeling my genitalia. Wen it was done, I read over te seet. Genitalia wasn't a test listd. FML
2day after soccer practice, I was walking to te car wit ma dad . My team mates wavd and said "Bye POTHEAD!" Tey call me tat because tey tink ma ead is sapd like a pot . Of course, ma dad didn't believe me . I'm groundd now because I ave an abnormally-sapd ead . I've never smokd pot . big fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015