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Today, I was given an entire week of detention for planking on my school desk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12169) - you deserved it (53572)
On 10/17/2011 at 6:05pm - misc - by planking champion (woman) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23683) - you deserved it (1760)
On 10/08/2011 at 2:48am - health - by ohgawd (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I drove to the liquor store completely naked except for my dressing gown, with a carload of idiot stoners who ran in and stole vodka, tequila and whiskey. We drank in a bush. Last week I was a good citizen, and now I'm white trash. I'm not quite sure what happened in between. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5840) - you deserved it (42601)
Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16125) - you deserved it (32351)
On 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by BigBananaLover - United States (California)
Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30683) - you deserved it (2349)
On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)
Today, I learned that when you piss on a hornets' nest from a window, the hornets will go after the source of the stream. It can also cause you to fall through your friend's second story window. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7374) - you deserved it (49814)
On 07/19/2011 at 12:41pm - misc - by freakfreak12345 - United States (Maine)
Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet shih tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24879) - you deserved it (2245)
On 07/18/2011 at 3:40pm - work - by StudMuffinette (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31996) - you deserved it (4367)
On 07/18/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by xBubbles38 - United States
Today, my parents think that I don't realize all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table: "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (35963) - you deserved it (2701)
On 07/13/2011 at 2:16pm - intimacy - by wittlegirl - United States (California)
Today, my sister confessed to me that she sold some of my old shirts to the girl who's stalking me. This explains why I got a note that read, "I have your scent, now I can track you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34740) - you deserved it (1941)
On 07/03/2011 at 8:27pm - misc - by beablue18 - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)
Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After saying no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27337) - you deserved it (7186)
On 06/15/2011 at 11:53pm - misc - by randomjulz - United States
Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23943) - you deserved it (3219)
On 04/20/2011 at 11:25am - work - by ShakeRattleHiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, we were going to Disney World all the way from North Carolina. After 12 hours of driving, my kids started fighting and complaining. My husband finally said, "If I hear you guys one more time we're turning around and going back home." They annoyed him once again, and we actually went home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41080) - you deserved it (6172)
On 03/19/2011 at 12:00pm - kids - by jaimie - United States (Florida)
Today, I was riding to a prom with my friends in the middle of a swamp-covered area. I stuck my head out the top and screamed like they do in the movies. My hair, makeup, and mouth were quickly filled with bugs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8756) - you deserved it (54903)
On 03/18/2011 at 10:29pm - health - by iAMloud - United States
Today, my mom banned me from watching The Simpsons and Family Guy because apparently, they're part of "the Devil's plan to corrupt God's children". FML
I agree, your life sucks (37578) - you deserved it (8639)
On 03/18/2011 at 5:40pm - misc - by Jonathan (man) - Denmark (Midtjyllen)
Friday 24 May 2013
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