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luc887's favorite FMLs
by Serire / 09/22/2014 at 8:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML
by thebrokentardis / 09/22/2014 at 2:45am / United States (Minnesota) / Health
Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML
by onlywantuanyway / 09/05/2014 at 6:59pm / Intimacy
Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML
by SadAndDeaf / 09/02/2014 at 7:38pm / Miscellaneous
by cat lady / 08/30/2014 at 7:56am / Norway (Rogaland) / Animals
by angry girlfriend / 08/24/2014 at 11:27pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
by fuck you, tasha / 08/24/2014 at 5:50pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
by BagelTheOtaku / 08/20/2014 at 1:15am / United States (Georgia) / Health
Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML
by humdrummitydrum / 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm / United States / Health
by FANZZY / 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2014 at 5:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by hopeless romantic / 08/14/2014 at 11:06am / United States (Ohio) / Animals
by rabidfairy / 08/12/2014 at 10:04pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I wore a tank top for the first time in a few years. It turned out even worse than the last time. I got insulted by several people over my "Never say never" upper chest tattoo, which I got years ago, before the words ever became associated with a certain douchy Canadian pop "singer". FML
by beaverfever / 08/06/2014 at 12:45pm / Poland (Zachodniopomorskie) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water… Today, while walking down the street, I saw a man attacking a woman in an alley. I ran to help, and… Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that…