About lowshadows : May the Father of Understanding guide you.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
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Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (37828) - you deserved it (5077)
On 04/13/2011 at 6:57pm - misc - by FrOsTy25 -
Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML
I agree, your life sucks (14930) - you deserved it (25030)
On 04/08/2011 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13580) - you deserved it (58454)
On 04/08/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by failure -
Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32566) - you deserved it (8609)
On 04/04/2011 at 2:29pm - intimacy - by Abyssal (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31818) - you deserved it (7657)
On 03/30/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by kingpin7 - United States
Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62300) - you deserved it (11801)
On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my husband bought a horse. We don't own any furniture, but we have a flippin' horse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43341) - you deserved it (5134)
On 03/15/2011 at 2:01am - money - by neverthefirst -
Today, I discovered that I'm short enough to be legally considered a midget. My daughter now wants to bring me to school for show and tell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33756) - you deserved it (3005)
On 03/07/2011 at 8:47am - kids - by fourfootnine (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32243) - you deserved it (8715)
On 03/06/2011 at 1:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)
Today, my girlfriend went down on me for the first time. Just as I was reaching climax my brother raced into the bathroom right next to my door and began to vomit extremely loudly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26328) - you deserved it (3841)
On 03/05/2011 at 12:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (14071) - you deserved it (66839)
On 03/01/2011 at 6:51pm - intimacy - by Anon. (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45903) - you deserved it (3689)
On 02/26/2011 at 3:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year old son comes in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11584) - you deserved it (41214)
On 02/06/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37328) - you deserved it (7338)
On 02/02/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by Malakai - United States
Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35208) - you deserved it (2973)
On 01/26/2011 at 12:40pm - misc - by 123roomielover (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Monday 20 May 2013
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